Asexuality & Anorgasmia

[DulceDiva]

I'm 17 female and have no medical problems except for painful periods that include paralyzing cramps & vomiting. I don't experience that every period without birth control though. Mild period symptoms was feeling hot & cold back even though my bladder was empty , I had fresh sanitary products & was wearing appropriate clothing. Now I am on birth control & it stops the symptoms , the last time I was off I experienced the cramps and vomiting. I would like a surgery to permanently get rid of the problem. I was wondering if this is affecting my orientation & ability to orgasm. I have considered myself het , bi curious & now hetromantic asexual. I have never felt the need to have sex or masturbate but rather I'm curious because many people say it feels amazing. I wonder if I am responsive desire , I'd have to get a partner to find out. I tried masturbation but it felt neutral & whilst doing so I couldn't focus.Even my clitoris doesn't evoke any pleasure. My vagina will lubricate but I seem incapable of mental arousal despite exposure to erotic content. I'm entering senior year now and hoping that I get some field experience.

[DulceDiva]

Please reply even if you think what you have to say isn't helpful.

[HsurNiarb]

I have little to no experience with any of this, but I can relate to the period issues. I have PCOS, which meant I had very rare periods, and when I did have them, they were long, heavy, cripplingly painful, and sickening. However, even then, I didn't experience a lack in sex drive. In fact, for me, I just got more easily aroused.

You could just not be a sexual person. It is perfectly natural, and okay. If you have any concerns, I would say a doctor or gynecologist would be a great idea. They deal with all sorts of issues, and as long as your worry involves what's between your legs, they should help, regardless of the problem.

[Amanda]

I definitely agree that seeing a doctor should be very high on your priority list right now! With regard to desire, fluctuations are normal and can be related to hormonal fluctuations, which are at play in your regular menstrual cycle and with your hormonal birth control. Some people taking hormonal birth control report a lower libido, or a decrease in the vagina's natural lubrication. Desire and arousal can also vary for folks depending on where they are in their hormonal cycles, and of course how they are feeling about their bodies (being in pain, or associating your genitals with pain might make arousal more difficult!). As for orientation, that can fluctuate somewhat as well, but many people include this fluctuation within their choice of self-definition. For example, someone who is bisexual or pansexual may experience stronger or lesser desire for people of a certain gender at various points in time. Or, as is the case for many bi/pan people, the characteristics of a given individual are more important in attraction than the gender of that person per se. I'm not sure--and I don't think there is any evidence to indicate--that hormone fluctuations or period-related issues would affect something as complex and deeply personal as sexual orientation. Whereas desire is fleeting, sexual orientation is a part of a person's identity. While we're young, we're still figuring out a lot of things about ourselves, like patterns of desire and sexual preferences, so feeling some uncertainty is normal with regard to orientation. And you're right: trying things out with a partner or two may help you clarify your feelings.

Hope this helps!