Is my vagina damaged?

[Rainbowhooves]

So I've been having strong pain of my left side. I went to the ER one night and they did a pelvic exam. I've had bad experiences with those so it wasnt a fun experience. I cried and felt stretched out .I was shaking when he was done. I'm not a virgin but I've only been with one guy and recently lost my virginity (about 4 months ago) .His penis also isnt very large , maybe 5 inches. I also get very tense during these due to the fact that a doctor tried to do one when I was still a virgin , almost broke my hymen and made me scream. Both used speculum.

So they didnt do an ultrasound because of time (I spent 10 hours waiting there) . I went to another ER a few days later. Another Pelvic exam was done where they used the speculum . I then was sent to do an ultra sound where the doctor put in a large device in my vagina for about 20 minutes , moving around far everywhere. It wasnt a good experience. It hurt and felt invasive like the other pelvic exams .and I wanted to cry again. Once they were done I just left and felt so defeated. I didnt want to be touched down there anymore. It hurt and I was having a long period prior. My boyfriend just hugged me and tried to make me feel better.

I was diagnosed with a cyst I have to wait out. I've felt the pain for about 2-3 months (maybe even before) and it hasnt left. The cyst is small .

Now heres my issue.

I feel like i've lost sensitivity down there. My boy friend fingered me the next day and It didnt feel as good as it usually does. I asked him if I felt the same and he said my g spot felt farther away then usual. I cried and felt stretched out . I had looked at myself with a mirror down there before and I noticed that the hole looked huge compared to how it looked before. I was a hold inside a bump (i'm assuming my hymen) but now that whole part is gone and the skin that was connected looks torn.. My limbo is down big time. I just dont feel horny and when my boyfriend fingers me I dont feel it as much. It doesnt feel like before. Sex doesnt feel like before. I dont know what to do. It's very depressing because I enjoyed sex very much. My boyfriend says I still feel just as tight but he wouldnt tell me if it felt different .

I'm so scared of GYNs . I never been to one and now I really dont want to go to one.

[Sunshine]

Sorry your experiences were so bad. It sounds as if you had a horrible time at those hospitals.

The good news is that it's highly unlikely you will suffer any permanent damage from a medical examination. Give yourself a little time to recover, both bodily and mentally, and the chances are good things will go back to normal in time.

It would be a shame if you denied yourself proper healthcare in future because of this. Not every visit to the gynecologist is awful. Maybe you can ask around among friends and relatives who knows one that is friendly and gentle and takes enough time. I was terrified too before my first visit, but luckily I went to a lovely, motherly, patient woman who had a lot of experience with teenagers, was very understanding of my fears and even taught me breathing techniques that made the examination and the ultrasound much less unpleasant (that ultrasound probe does look huge, doesn't it). In fact, my first gyn was a great person to go to for all kinds of advice that I would have been embarrassed to discuss with my mother or friends. She was perfectly willing to talk about anything from sex tips to lady razors or career advice. I miss her a bit these days.

[Heather]

We can't stand in for healthcare here, which is what it sounds like you need.

That said, when we have pain in a given area, it will tend to reduce our feelings of pleasure in that area. It's not impossible to experience pain and pleasure at the same time, but in the rock-paper-scissors game of pain versus pleasure in the body, alas, pain always tends to take all.

[Rainbowhooves]

Well I just feel like the moment I say I'm sexually active it's like a card to wavier any of my feelings. The last doctor forced me into the pelvic exam although I told her I had already been checked. She said I had to have it done. Then she said I have to see a GYN once a year that's the rule...
It was just so strongly said like I no longer am a person when I say that.

I will go to my followup but I do not want to be touched down there. It's great that you found a good GYN but I just cannot seem to meet a nicer one.

The pain I am experiencing isnt tremendous and I certainly can deal with it most of the time, I just find it strange that after the visit I began to feel like this and not before.

[Heather]

You know, when I talk about pain, that doesn't just mean physical pain: any emotional pain, distress or anxiety we hold can also impact our bodies, and any kind of stress also tends to have an impact on our sexual response.

Outside medical emergencies, no healthcare provider can ever lawfully give someone an exam they refuse. So, if that has happened to you, moving forward, know a couple things:
1) You have the option of reporting any provider who has done this to the state medical licensing board
2) This is NOT something the vast majority of healthcare providers will do. What you experienced wasn't at all usual, though looking at your post history, I'm feeling a bit confused about this being forced, since it looks to me like you went in asking for an exam about a possible infection, and to determine that, a provider likely would have had to have done a pelvic.
3) You have described a GYN exam as traumatic for you. Sometimes, even if and when a provider hasn't done anything wrong, a patient may experience trauma from healthcare. It does sound like at this point, GYN care is something your head has filed as traumatic, so what I'd suggest is that a) you either seek out some mental healthcare to help with that, so you can proceed with healthcare you need, and/or b) you screen for GYNs moving forward with a talk-only consultation first, where you tell them GYN care has been traumatic for you, and ask them to tell you how they'd manage that.

What they say will be what informs your decision about if you choose them or not. I would mention, though, that no patient can ask a doctor to do something for them -- like check for infections -- and ask them not to do what they have to to do what is being asked. For example, we can't ask for a full STI screen or an infection check and ask a doctor not to look at or touch our genitals, because they need to do that in order to check for those things.

I do want to reiterate that it sounds to me like mental healthcare is a thing that would benefit you. It also sounds to me like engaging in sex that hurts at all, or that you just don't feel 100% into or relaxed about is something you'll want to take off the table until you get all of this sorted, both physically and mentally, or at least get some initial help with both aspects.

[Rainbowhooves]

I have given up on going to mental health professionals , they are no help and I ended up losing a job because I told my therapist I had a panic attack when my father passed away. It is not something I want to continue to explore.

I had sex today and barely felt anything...I couldnt even tell if I was penetrated at some points. My vagina honestly looks different. It's larger and the tissues look torn. I'm not sure it's in my head anymore but even so I am taking a break from sex to see if that puts my limbo back and maybe gives me more sensitivity down there.

The doctor basically told me it had to be done although it was done in another hospital . I feel like they are going to want to do a pelvic exam at the follow up at the GYN but I do not want it . All I need is a ultra sound.. I just dont want to be touched anymore and have large objects put into my vagina anymore. I never had anything larger then my boyfriend until they started and now I feel stretched out and torn .

[Sam W]

Hi Rainbowhooves,

I'm sorry that happened to you (also, did the job loss happen because the therapist disclosed the panic attacks? Because that's most likely illegal). The reason we recommend it is that there is clearly stuff you're dealing with that would be best solved by involving someone who is trained to handle it.

It was very sound to ask your partner to take a break from sex until you feel better.

When you go to the hospital for your appointment, you can ask for details about what the exam entails and what your concerns are, and they should be able to do their best to accommodate you (although, as Heather said, they may have to touch or look at certain body parts in order to test appropriately)