FWB (friends with benefits)

[itsfiaaaaa]

I have had FWB in the past. But whats the deal! I have one right now but i think im catching feelings. But apparently the rule is you cannot like the other person. But we hang out everyday and he kisses me and cuddles me and treats me like his girlfriend. But when someone asks with we're dating he says no. We have sex and hang out and do all these things like a couple but he hasnt asked me out! I dont know what to do because i have a feeling hes using me for sex. But i really hope not. I just need so advice on what too do

[Karyn]

The only way to know what he's thinking or feeling is to ask him. There are really no "rules" for a friends with benefits relationship, or any other relationship, besides what the people in those relationships agree on: it sounds like the two of you haven't had a conversation about what your particular relationship agreements are, so you really need to figure out a time to sit down and discuss what both of you want out of this relationship.

You might also want to read these pieces:
Supermodel: Creating & Nurturing Your Own Best Relationship Models
Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner

[zeitvogel]

To Karyn's excellent answer I would add:
1. It's still supposed to be friends with benefits; it's good to take care of the "friend" part when needed. And friends do care about each other.
2. You can't promise to not have feelings, because that's out of your control. All you can do is promise to talk about them when they happen. If you talk about them and he doesn't return your feelings then you may have to break up to protect your own heart.

[Redskies]

(zeitvogel, this thread is on the board for staff replies only. We realise that everyone (including us!) is still getting used to the new boards and layout, so, no biggie. We love it when users help each other out and we really want user-to-user discussion, but if everyone can check when they reply which board the thread's original poster chose to post on - whether the original poster wanted a user-to-user or only user-to-staff conversation - that'd be great )

[zeitvogel]

Oh, sorry! I read from the "View active topics" page and this time I didn't check which board it was. I'll pay more attention in the future.

[Mo]

I definitely want to chime in that the only rules for any kind of sexual relationship are the ones that people establish themselves. As zeitvogel said above, the word "friends" is right there in "friends with benefits" and friends have all sort of feelings for each other! Those may not always be romantic feelings, but I think it's hard to have a sexual relationship with a friend without there being some sort of emotion involved.