Intimacy with my Boyfriend

[katkit0598]

My boyfriend and I are both 17, he is almost 18 and we have been in a relationship for 3 years. We've been sexually active for a little more than a year and were both very comfortable with one another and expressing our wants, needs and limits.(both in the bed and out :p) We are both extremely responsible: we don't drink or do drugs, we don't really sneak around etc...

Our desires when it comes to being intimate goes far beyond the scope of sex. Really any time I spend alone with him is something to be treasured. Just being able to have private face to face convo, hold and kiss eachother, play video games, watch movies (and of course if things get steamy, intercourse) is really important to the both of us.

Because I am still living with my parents and my boyfriend and I are both unable to drive, times where we can have this privacy is extremely limited. I would love to sit down and open up with my parents and tell them what it is I want, allow them to give me their opinion and set limits, and just have an overall respectful convo about the whole situation but I don't even know where to begin. As of now my parents are relatively lenient (leaving us alone in a room together and checking infrequently), but they still act like they don't want us getting too close. I want to somehow "ask" for permission/opportunities to have alone time without coming off as ungrateful or a brat.I want to be open with my parents but im scared if I have this convo it will come as a shock and they will never let me have the alone time we want so badly.

We use condoms every time we have sex, but I feel like its time for me to get on birth control. Plus, it would feel amazing to be so open with my mom and/or dad. (most likely just my mom ) I really am unsure how to start and hold a convo on this topic with my parents but its a convo that NEEDS to happen. I feel so lost.

[Sam W]

Hi Katkit,

I think a place to start is to sit and think about the most likely reactions your parents would have to you asking for these boundaries/ asking for birth control. Assuming that any negative reactions they might have are ones you're okay risking, you can start coming up with what you want to say to them, and what to say to some of their more likely responses. That way, when you actually have the conversation it will be less likely that you freeze up. Does that sound like something you could do?

[katkit0598]

Yes it does. I've written out a script of sorts :p (Its hard to imagine my parents reactions but Ive done my best)

My biggest thing I want to accomplish is I want to make it clear to my parents that im not asking to have sex when I ask for alone time with my boyfriend. Sex isnt nessecary for our relationship and it never will be. It is just a nice bonus . Only about 15% of this "alone time" im asking for is insinuating sex. Really the main goal is to have time together... to have one to one face to face conversations with one another. I really hope my parents understand that and arent blinded by the word birth control.

[Heather]

You know, I wonder if having this piece handy -- or grabbing some talking points from it to use -- might be a good thing for this conversation?

Intimacy: The Whys, Hows, How-Nots, and So-Nots

As bizarre as it might sound, often older people don't get, or forget, all of what intimacy is and can involve and that young people -- like most people -- do tend to want intimacy, not just sex, and intimacy that sure, sometimes is sexual, but that other times isn't. One thing people with children will often know, though, that might help to connect you all in this talk, is that it's really hard to have much intimacy without privacy: once you came around, however awesome you undoubtedtly are, they found that out if they didn't know already.

[katkit0598]

Love this article you gave me. Im not sure why I didn't come across it sooner!! Thanks!