Sudden trip to the sexual dimension

[thatguyagain]

Hello. I'm not new here. Though basically I have just created a new account, I have been reading articles here since 2012 or something. The reason that I have just created an account is that I want to ask something personally. I am not anxious or anything. Your articles have helped me and my girlfriend surpass many illogical doubts. And we have agreed to not have direct genital to genital sex before we get married so by that time we will both be ready if something happens. (Right now we mostly do manual and oral sex, if you would ask) Yesterday, we were fooling around and afterwards sudden scenarios came into my mind. Though I may have read them before (I don't really remember) I can't find the specific topic in which these may have been answered. So here goes the scenarios. 1. If I have ejaculated only previous hours before fooling around with my girlfriend, does that affect the number of sperm in the semen? I honestly thought that there would be less sperm after that. Haha 2. Though I always see that you use "direct genital to genital contact" does that have any exceptions? Or it is the really only highly likely way to get pregnant? And 3. This is kind of personal. Yesterday, as i said, I fooled around with my gf and she let me cum in her mouth. I used my hand to finish myself. After that she went to the bathroom to clean herself up. After some time (after putting our clothes on again) we cuddled for a while (I don't remember exactly how long, might have been minutes) we got naughty again and then she asked me to finger her so I did. And then I remember that it is the same hand I used to finish myself before. What are the chances of her getting pregnant with that? I know that it would be very much less likely because it might have dried up. And it was exposed to air for like 15 mins or something. (When we were cuddling, my hands were hugging her so it might be wiped dry on her clothes) But to be safe let's assume that my hand has not touched anything else after finishing myself and rubbing my gf's clit after sometime (15 mins). What are the chances for that? And BONUS question 4. This is something similar to number 1 but this one was a month ago. (and she has her period now). Well we fooled around again and we were both naked and were very near each other. She was sitting in front of me and I was standing in front of her. We were doing manual and oral sex, so my penis is very wet. The problem is that I have ejaculated only 10 to 12 hrs before we did that and may have urinated only 1 time. My penis was wet and it was dark and I don't know if there was precum in it. The question is what are the chances of her being pregnant with a precum like that? Because there may have been some splashes of precum (when she was playing with my penis) that might have made it in her vagina that we were both not aware of? So in total, there are 4 questions. Sorry for the long post, I just want to make it clear. If you have questions that you don't understand I can make it clearer Thanks!

[Heather]

Your answers, numbered like you did them:
1) Any ejaculation has way more than enough sperm cells to potentially create a pregnancy: only a few hundred sperm cells are needed for that to happen, and any ejaculation, whether you've ejaculated recently or not, will usually have millions of cells in it.
2) We make all of this really clear right here: Human Reproduction: A Seafarer's Guide and here: Can I Get Pregnant, or Get or Pass On an STI From That?.
3) See #2.
4) (Is this for extra credit? ) Ejaculate is not of a volume to "splash" for any distance. Unless your partner was holding your penis on or near her genitals, it can't go places where you haven't put it.

It sounds to me like you might be doing things you don't feel so comfortable with. How about either rethinking those things, and stepping away from anything that's freaking you out, or adding measures of protection you aren't, like using a condom for oral or manual sex?

[thatguyagain]

Thanks Heather!

Well, it's not that I'm not comfortable with it. My personality itself included being paranoid and it just affects fooling around with my girlfriend. That's why we agreed to not do the actual sex until we feel we're ready (which is in this case, MARRIED). Thank you for the links that you gave me. I will be sure to remember them in case I have a few more questions to ask. And for the no.4, no matter how close it is unless it was directly near ( and I mean really NEAR) to her genitals, or it is already touching her genitals, then there is no risk for pregnancy. Correct? So that should rule out having manual sex while standing in front of each other or sitting beside each other right? Haha.

So ,for the record, you're saying that all 4 of my questions (excluding no. 2), poses no risk at all?

By the way, thank you for making this site. I have seen a lot of people (me included) that has endless questions about things they want answered but don't know where to ask. I have seen many misleading information in the internet which might lead me into something I don't want to. So thanks. Thanks very much

[Heather]

You're welcome.

You know, all of these ways of being sexual are "actual" sex. Intercourse isn't the only kind of sex, or the only sex that's real, it's just the only one that poses a very high risk of pregnancy. But if people feel conflicted about having sex, they're usually going to feel conflicted about having sex: not just one kind, but all the kinds. So, given that you two have been having plenty of kinds of "actual" sex, and you are feeling like you have been, I'd suggest you rethink your framework here. If you don't feel ready for sex, you don't feel ready for sex, and it very much sounds with a lot of the sex you have been having that you don't feel ready.

As that second link I gave you makes clear, manual sex does not present any realistic risk of pregnancy unless there is direct contact with body fluids, meaning there aren't stops in between, like your hands. Again, pre-ejaculate is just a few drops of fluid: it can't "splash" anywhere or somehow crawl around on its own from one place to another. And a full ejaculation also isn't enough fluid to do that, either.

But honestly, what I hear in here is you not feeling ready for THESE kinds of sex, not just not for intercourse. So, I'd encourage you to really pay attention to your feelings here and consider that you're having them not because of a lack of facts, but because this just doesn't feel right for you yet.