Sudden low libido?

[mediocrityrules]

Hi!! This is really awkward but it's anonymous so I'm trying to just have it be honest

I'm 16 and ever since I was like 14 I always had an interest in like. drawn nsfw stuff and reading smut and stuff like that and I enjoyed it a lot, but like recently I notice that I just don't want to anymore and it's kind of a bummer. especially cause I don't really know WHY I feel this way or what changed? the only suspicion I have is that I started looking up irl photos and videos a while ago, and for about a month I would look at those but I didn't enjoy it as much as the fictional stuff, so I stopped. but now that I wanna go back it's not as fun

I just don't really understand why this changed and I don't really want it to change, I enjoyed having a higher libido and being able to enjoy that stuff and I always planned to mess around a lot when i grow up so I don't want it to stay this way. I don't really know what to do so if anyone has anything that can maybe help uhmm yeah

[KierC]

Hey mediocrityrules, and welcome to the boards I’m glad you’re here.

I’m sorry to hear that the sexual media you enjoyed before isn’t feeling as great for you now. I hear you that it’s bumming you out, that’s completely understandable. It can feel like a bit of a loss when something we once enjoyed feels different to us now.

I want to say first that it’s normal to have periods of time when you experience lower libido. These changes are rarely if ever permanent, because libido can naturally be higher or lower sometimes. Even talking about “higher” or “lower” libido is difficult, because there’s not really an “normal” level of libido to have. Know what I mean? Even though it’s normal, though, it can still be really bothersome like you’re expressing, so I’d be glad to talk through this with you.

There’s a few thoughts I have that might help us work through this with you. During this time where you’re feeling less interested in this particular media, it might be helpful and even fun to explore different types of fictional sexual media if you haven’t yet, and see if there’s maybe another way to feel good while watching sexual media. At the same time, if you feel like sexual media just isn’t interesting to you right now, it’s okay. It’s okay to embrace what *does* feel good (and even explore around in pursuit of what feels good), even if it isn’t the same as what you liked before.

Can I ask, when you say you don’t like it as much anymore, is that mostly the feeling like you don’t want to watch it at all, or like when you *do* watch it, it doesn’t arouse you as much as it did before? Too, are you currently experiencing less libido in general, or is this more in response to the sexual media specifically?

[mediocrityrules]

thank u so much for the reply i really appreciate it

i just don't really feel an urge to read / watch any of it any more, usually i get the feeling of like "oh i really wanna do this now" so I open like. sites to read stuff and all that, but i dont get that urge at all lately. and i tried a few times just opening it and see if i get in the mood after looking at it but it doesnt do anything either :C

and also my libido has always been super weird, and its not like i have any partners so its just kind of between me and myself LOL but i think its just generally i dont feel an urge to try anything anymore,,, which like i said is a bummer

also i read some pretty weird stuff and something that would happen is that i would get into one thing, get bored, and move onto another and honestly i was really worried that i just ran out of things but thats never been an issue even when id get into weird stuff i could still enjoy the more like, normal things?? i dont know im a little lost ahaha

[KierC]

You are very welcome, I’m glad I can be here to help

From what you’re describing, it does sound like you’re going through a period of time where you’re experiencing a lower libido than you did before. As I said before, in general if a lower libido doesn’t bother you, then there’s nothing bad about that and you don’t need to try to change it if you don’t want to. But if it’s something that doesn’t feel good or bothers you, and it sounds like that might the case (though, please correct me if I’m wrong), we can definitely try to address this.

First, I want to link you to this advice column where the situation described is not entirely the same, but the advice given is really applicable here when we talk about bothersome lower libido:

Where’s My Sex Drive Driven Off To?

You can see in that advice column that libido is quite complicated because there’s so many factors that can affect it. So I think it’d be helpful to address some of the underlying causes, if any. Looking through that list of questions in the advice column I sent, does anything pop out to you as a potential reason you might be feeling less desire right now?

[mediocrityrules]

It does bother me only because it was kind of becoming part of my routine, and one i looked forward to at that so it would suck to lose it

Well its finals season but I haven't been too stressed about it and my grades are okay, and the worst tests are already over. Still, maybe? and most of what i learned about sex is from the internet but im pretty comfortable with my own sexuality i think
i also dont track my period so i dont know if thats related at all but its never really affected my libido before

"What does feeling horny mean to you and feel like for you? How do you identify those feelings?" kinda sticks out to me cause i dont really touch myself? and if i do it doesnt really feel like anything. at most i just read that kind of stuff because it makes me feel excited (usually)

im gonna also read that full article soon, but other than the stuff i sent then no not really anything?

[Latha]

Hi Mediocityrules! Thanks for answering those questions.

I understand how it sucks to not have this part of your routine that you've enjoyed, but I wouldn't frame this as a loss, simply because it is very likely that this is just a temporary period of dormancy. Like Kier said earlier, having periods where you don't feel as much enjoyment from sex is normal--this will pass.

You can't exactly will your libido/interest in sex back into existence, (I wish it were that easy to influence!) but you can create the conditions that will allow it to thrive. Making sure you are caring for yourself well is one level, of course: enough rest, food, and activity, and managing any sources of stress if you notice them--I do see you haven't found much stress so far. You might try Kier's advice of exploring more varied sexual media, to see where curiosity leads you. You could also take this time to focus on the non-sexual sources of pleasure in your life. As discussed in this article, finding pleasure and fulfillment outside of sex can make those feelings easier to access during sexual activities.

Does that make sense? Let us know what you think after reading that advice column that Kier gave you.

[mediocrityrules]

Thank you sm both of you!! both articles give me a lot to think about, and I also feel better cause I was mostly just worried it would stay like this

super helpful

[Latha]

I'm glad we could help! And, good luck! Please feel free to come back and ask if you have anything else you would like to discuss.