Being used
-
- newbie
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2015 7:06 pm
- Age: 24
- Awesomeness Quotient: I have green eyes
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: She/her
- Sexual identity: Bi-curious
- Location: Ohio
Being used
the past few relationships I've been in have been very complicated, and sex driven. How can I stop this from happening? Other than just saying no, of course. I want to be in a relationship where sex isn't necessary.
-
- scarleteen founder & director
- Posts: 9706
- Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
- Age: 54
- Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: they/them
- Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
- Location: Chicago
Re: Being used
Can I ask what you're saying to people you're dating about what you want before either of you initiates anything sexual?
It might also help to get a clearer picture of this pattern: who is initiating sex, and what kinds of conversations and actions are going on when they do? When you are talking about what you want, how is that going? When you are setting limits, how do you feel they're being received? What is it that has you feeling used?
It might also help to get a clearer picture of this pattern: who is initiating sex, and what kinds of conversations and actions are going on when they do? When you are talking about what you want, how is that going? When you are setting limits, how do you feel they're being received? What is it that has you feeling used?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
-
- newbie
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2015 7:06 pm
- Age: 24
- Awesomeness Quotient: I have green eyes
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: She/her
- Sexual identity: Bi-curious
- Location: Ohio
Re: Being used
We never really talk about sex beforehand unless they spark the conversation. And I usually tell them about how I feel on the matter; it's unnecessary for our relationship to be based around sex. Most guys don't mind this though.
-
- previous staff/volunteer
- Posts: 10320
- Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
- Age: 33
- Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: queer
- Location: Coast
Re: Being used
Hi codisgod,
Can you describe then how you go from a situation of having set the limit or explained what you do and do not want from the relationship to a place where you feel like you're being used? Also, just so I am clear, is it that you're not interested in sex period? Or that you don't want to be in a relationship where sex is the primary focus?
Can you describe then how you go from a situation of having set the limit or explained what you do and do not want from the relationship to a place where you feel like you're being used? Also, just so I am clear, is it that you're not interested in sex period? Or that you don't want to be in a relationship where sex is the primary focus?
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.