Really want to have Sex but scared

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01Dancer
not a newbie
Posts: 8
Joined: Sat Jan 23, 2016 5:29 am
Age: 24
Awesomeness Quotient: My confidence
Primary language: English
Pronouns: She
Sexual identity: Straight
Location: Canada

Really want to have Sex but scared

Unread post by 01Dancer »

I really want to have sex with my bf but I'm scared it will hurt. I've fingered myself before and I have small skinny fingers and it hurts. I'm afraid that it will hurt and no be enjoyable. All my friends who have had sex say the first 3-4 times aren't fun and are super painful
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Sam W
previous staff/volunteer
Posts: 10320
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 33
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: queer
Location: Coast

Re: Really want to have Sex but scared

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi Dancer,

So, first time sex is not "supposed" to hurt. However, for some people it does end up being uncomfortable for a number of reasons. There is often not enough lube used, and if you're tense/anxious or not aroused enough, penetration can end up being painful. The way around that is to go slow and take plenty of time to relax and get aroused, and to really communicate with your partner about what's feeling good and what is not. Below, I've included some helpful links for how to do that:
Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner
From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse
Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
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