Really want to have Sex but scared
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- not a newbie
- Posts: 8
- Joined: Sat Jan 23, 2016 5:29 am
- Age: 24
- Awesomeness Quotient: My confidence
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: She
- Sexual identity: Straight
- Location: Canada
Really want to have Sex but scared
I really want to have sex with my bf but I'm scared it will hurt. I've fingered myself before and I have small skinny fingers and it hurts. I'm afraid that it will hurt and no be enjoyable. All my friends who have had sex say the first 3-4 times aren't fun and are super painful
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- scarleteen staff/volunteer
- Posts: 10079
- Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
- Age: 33
- Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: queer
- Location: Coast
Re: Really want to have Sex but scared
Hi Dancer,
So, first time sex is not "supposed" to hurt. However, for some people it does end up being uncomfortable for a number of reasons. There is often not enough lube used, and if you're tense/anxious or not aroused enough, penetration can end up being painful. The way around that is to go slow and take plenty of time to relax and get aroused, and to really communicate with your partner about what's feeling good and what is not. Below, I've included some helpful links for how to do that:
Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner
From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse
Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist
So, first time sex is not "supposed" to hurt. However, for some people it does end up being uncomfortable for a number of reasons. There is often not enough lube used, and if you're tense/anxious or not aroused enough, penetration can end up being painful. The way around that is to go slow and take plenty of time to relax and get aroused, and to really communicate with your partner about what's feeling good and what is not. Below, I've included some helpful links for how to do that:
Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner
From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse
Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist
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