Talking to Boyfriend about using condoms

[Sam W]

Hi scaredkitten,

So, from your other post, it sound like you and your boyfriend need to have a conversation about what you are and are not comfortable with round sex. I would start with these posts: Risky Business: Learning to Consider Risk and Make Sound Sexual Choices
Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist
Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist

It also sounds like there is some tension between you and your mom around this issue. Is that something you feel comfortable telling me more about?

I'll also add in this piece about periods and the reasons they might be late, since you were also wondering about that: M.I.A or, Dude, Where's My Period?

[ScaredKitten]

I have talked to my bf about protection. The thing is that condoms tend to irritate me bad and I'm extremly sensitive. I've tried multiple brands. I just hate them. I also thought about birth control pills but I'm afraid of the hormonal changes plus I don't fancy pills, they seem scary to me. Idk how to put it.

My mom was always extremly protective of me and we briefly talked about sex in general or even babies. Everytime I tried to discuss with her she would get mad, give me a lecture or even ground me if I'd give her a reason to be suspicious about me starting my sex life. I think one of the reasons is that in the 8th grade when I did an x ray photograph the doctors found that my uterus has a not so healthy shape. We really don't know any details because we settled to do more investigations after I turn 18, which we didn't have the time or money to do. Basically I don't know if my body can carry a pregnancy or I can even have sex (my mom adding the second one)

Regarding my period, I did a pregnancy test yesterday which came out negative and this morning my period came. So I'm all safe.

[Sam W]

Hi scaredkitten,

One thing that occurs to me is: have you tried internal (also known as female) condoms. They're made out of a different material than most standard condoms, so may not cause irritation. As for the pill (or other hormonal birth control), you're right that they can have side effects, which can be intimidating. But as you've found out, having sex without them can be extremely stressful. So most people find that there is a trade off, especially in cases where they really can't afford to get pregnant.

As for your mom, it sounds like you have a few options. One is to stop bringing these issues up with her, since she's demonstrated that she's not going to be open to an actual conversation about them. The other is to see if you can come up with a way of talking about them that she'd be receptive to. Is that something you'd like help with?