Scared about my virginity

[Born_from_Books]

I am really scared about loosing my virginity. I cant even fit two fingers into my vagina and im worried about how much it'll hurt and how much blood there will be. Is there anyway to idk stretch it yourself without it hurting too much? Also im worried about it not feeling good. I find it very hard to stimulate myself and i worry that it will hurt a lot without any pleasure. Any advice?

[Karyn]

Hey, Born_from_Books. Welcome to Scarleteen.

I'm sorry you're so scared! There are a lot of messages in society about how first-time vaginal entry will be a horrible painful thing (and sometimes even that it's supposed to be that way) but that's really not the case. Some people do have a more resilient hymen (or corona) but for most folks, that tissue wears away over time due to things like menstrual flow, tampon use, hormone levels, etc. and any pain or bleeding is far more likely to be caused by a lack of lubrication and a lack of arousal, and that can happen whether it's someone's first time or their hundredth time.

The other thing to know is that when you get turned on, one of the things that happens is that the vagina actually expands so that it can more comfortably fit anything that might go inside it. So, if you aren't already aroused and relaxed when you're trying to put your fingers into your vagina, it isn't really surprising that it doesn't feel comfortable.

In terms of experiencing pleasure from vaginal entry, again, arousal and extra lube helps with that - if you aren't already turned on having something inside your vagina isn't likely to feel very good, but for a lot of people the vagina just isn't that sensitive, period. Most of the nerve endings inside the vaginal canal are in the first third or so, and for the majority of folks with vaginas, stimulation of the vulva (the external part of your genitals) tends to be more enjoyable and more intense.

I'm going to toss you a few links to pieces on the main site that go into all of this in more detail, that I think will be helpful in relieving your anxiety about this. (You might also find it helpful to just do a search on the main site for "virginity".) Have a read through them, and then if you have any more questions, obviously, just shout.
20 Questions About Virginity: Scarleteen Interviews Hanne Blank
Innies & Outies: The Vagina, Clitoris, Uterus and More
My Corona: The Anatomy Formerly Known as the Hymen & the Myths That Surround It
I want to lose my virginity before I have sex.

[Born_from_Books]

Thank you so much for your help.

[Karyn]

You're very welcome!