pregnancy scare after losing virginity

[hihihaha]

I just turned 18 not so long ago. Please be patient with me as I have never had sex ed in secondary school and everything I'm experiencing is very new to me

My last period started on September 30th and ended on October 4-5. According to my period trackers my estimated date for period is November 5th. According to my app, it says that my ovulation day will be on October 21st. I did not take any plan b pills.

I had sex on October 10th in the morning. He used a condom during penetration but I took it off halfway to perform oral. We tried the penetration a few times and kept stopping because it hurt a lot for me. He finished on my face and chest area. We checked the condom by filling it with water and found no holes. But I'm still very scared of the what ifs and contamination.

On October 11th at night I noticed some blood which looked dried up. There was no discharge and it was only a drop. People said it was most likely bleeding due to me losing my virginity.

On October 15th I had a very bad scare and started to eat a lot of pineapples and papayas with the seeds (I know it's stupid). On October 16th I ate more than I did the past few days. October 17th, when brushing my tongue in the morning, I threw up. Like it just shot out once and it looked yellow and watery which was kinda scary.

I had very light spotting on October 17th like really little. On October 18th I saw more light red blood in my discharge (more than the past few days). On october 18, when wiping I saw blood in my discharge again. But this time it was dark red brownish and way more obvious which is even more scary considering the fact that when i did some research it could either be ovulation or implantation bleeding. PLUS I won't get accurate results if i test now and i still have to wait longer which is driving me nuts..

I actually went to a gp clinic on October 12 for a consultation and ultrasound to check on myself and honestly the doctor only told me that the best I can do is wait to take the pregnancy test just in case. As for the ultrasound, the doctor said that everything looks normal so that's a relief.

I have been so stressed about this and not able to sleep soundly despite knowing my chances are thin. I absolutely cannot tell my parents about this and I don't really have any other trusted adults around me whom i feel safe to talk about this to. Please let me know what's happening if possible and what I should do.

[Heather]

Welcome to the boards. <3 No need to apologize for not getting sex ed: that certainly wasn't your fault! And this is what we're here for.

Something important to know is that menstrual tracking apps CANNOT give accurate estimates of ovulation ahead of time. They simply don't ask for enough information to do that: knowing when periods have happened just isn't enough. I don't know why so many of them keep acting like they can do that, it only seems to cause people stress, and it also gives people a false confidence in knowing when they ovulate, which can also create real problems for people. In the future, if you do want to be able to track your ovulation more accurately, this is what you need to do to do that: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/sexual- ... -about-fam

You also never need to fill a condom with water to check for holes. Even a tiny hole in a condom will generally turn into a very visible rip in a few strokes. If your condoms broke in any way, rest assured that you would have been able to tell very easily.

It sounds like there was always a condom on during intercourse (and if you want, let's talk about how you don't have to keep trying anything sexual when it's hurting, and how that actually isn't a good way to go for a few reasons). I also want to make sure you wanted your partner to ejaculate on your face and chest, rather than that being something he just did because he wanted to.

It also sounds like you barfed because you ate a lot of fruit and then more food than usual, but regardless, even if you had become pregnant from this, you would have only *just* become so by the 17th, and usually too soon for morning sickness. There simply haven't been the hormonal changes yet to create that symptom. Implantation bleeding is also very rare, and rarely something people will even know happened when it does. If and when it does happen, it is only very brief, very light spotting. People also do not bleed with ovulation, though some will occasionally have very, very light spotting, once more, usually unnoticeable. It sounds to me like what you were seeing was some old flow from a previous period, which can happen sometimes.

It's not seeming very likely to me you will have become pregnant, but it does sound to me like you'd feel a whole lot better if you could see a pregnancy test with a negative result on it. It's too soon for you to get an accurate result yet -- usually the body will start making the hCg hormone a test tests for around the same time you'd expect a period -- but are you able to get one so you can take it around the end of this month/the start of the next one?

[hihihaha]

I'm planning to take a pregnancy test by the end of this week, so probably on the 24th early in the morning. I already find it very unbearable to wait and make every possible worst outcome up in my head. If I miss my period I would mostly likely get another one in case. As for the ejaculation, he did actually ask me if it was okay for him to finish on my face. I agreed to it but of course it was kinda yucky. To be honest, i actually kept telling him to try to insert it in and go deeper despite it hurting very bad. i even changed positions (cowgirl i think..) and that hurt even worse lol.. Before the sex i was actually very nervous and unprepared, but i forced myself to get into it regardless, despite him asking me repeatedly if it's okay. I actually kind of regret doing it but that's on me. For now I'm actually very concerned about the bleeding mainly. Because when I checked my discharge yesterday the blood actually looked bright red and fresh which scared me so much.

[Heather]

Okay, so a couple things.

I hear you saying that no, you did not want him to ejaculate on your face. saying something is okay, or agreeing, isn't the same as us actually wanting to do something. I very much hope that moving forward, you feel able to ONLY say yes to things you also actually, truly, want to do. Do you understand that you -- like your partner -- should always have that right, and that a partner should only want you to do things you also really want to do? That sex is never something anyone should feel like they have to force themselves to do?

Similarly, please know that when things hurt, it's our body telling us to stop or change something. Not only is pain a signal we are probably injuring ourselves in some way, but pain you don't experience as pleasure (something that's the case for some people in some sexual situations) also will keep your body from actually feeling good. So, next time, don't keep trying when things hurt. Stop. For sure, trying a different position is one thing to try. But it also sounds like a lubricant might not have been involved here and like you didn't feel *ready* for this. So, if we could go back in time and give you a do-over, what I'd hope would happen is that you felt able to be honest with your partner about feeling nervous and unprepared, and told them it was too soon, and that they responded by, of course, being supportive, asking you if there was anything you wanted to do with them that day you DID feel ready for, and if not, that you two just stopped being sexual that day. (And if so, that you only did the things with him you did feel comfortable with and ready for, on top of actually wanting to do those things.) I also would love to go back in time and have your partner ask what you WANT, not what you're okay with. We should all need our sexual partners to be way more than just okay with what we want to do. <3

Given the bleeding: did you use a lubricant? I'm asking because this could well be an early period (can you look at your tracking app and give me the dates for your last 6 periods, by any chance? Or even 3?), but it also could be an injury. If you didn't use lube and kept doing things when they hurt, the bleeding could be from vaginal abrasion.

[hihihaha]

We actually did use lubricant, a lot. He actually kept adding more and fingering me whenever i said it hurt. My last period were:
sep30-oct4
aug25-29
july20-25
jun14-19
may15-19
apr15-19
mar9-13
After the intercourse it did hurt a little for me to walk but it did not really bother me. the pain didn't last very long too. I just had some minor cramps the past week though.

[Heather]

Thanks for filling me in. For future reference, putting fingers in someone's vagina when intercourse already hurts isn't a good idea. That generally will just be a very similar thing that can tend to hurt in the same way, especially if you're already sore. It sounds like maybe your boyfriend could use some help knowing and understanding what might even feel good for you, and like he's without that information. Do you want some help about how to both tell him what actually feels good, but also help just telling him no when things don't feel good or when you don't feel ready or comfortable?

Looking at these periods, it looks like you've had a couple months in there where you've had much longer times in between periods and then shorter times, so it's entirely possible that why there's so much bleeding, and why you are having cramps, is that what's happening now is your period. Does the flow you're having right now look or feel like it often does/you often do when you have your period?

(Btw, just so you know if it helps you relax at all, given the fluctuation of your cycles like this, an app absolutely could in no way predict your ovulation with any accuracy. This would even be an issue if you were doing your own charting in the ways we know can result in accurate prediction of ovulation.)

[hihihaha]

Right now I'm not having my usual period flow. Currently i only see the blood due to wiping and checking my discharge. The blood i see is inside the discharge. usually before my period the blood would just stick to my underwear but it's not like coming out because of my discharge. (I'm not really sure how to explain it) I also don't really think it's my period but i'm still not very sure.

[Heather]

I think I understand what you're saying.

I still think this may be a lighter period than you're used to, but I also think that we're ultimately just not going to know for sure until you have another couple periods.

In the meantime, since it sounds like you're not in any pain, I think we can assume you don't have an injury, but to play it safe -- and also because it sounds like you don't feel ready for or good during this anyway -- I'd avoid putting anything inside, or having anyone else put something inside, your vagina until the bleeding stops (including tampons).

Do you want help communicating the kind of things I mentioned in my last reply to your partner? And/or help figuring out what you actually do and don't want to do sexually for yourself?

[hihihaha]

Yes please, I struggle a lot with communication. I feel like I just don't want to have sex anymore until I get married so that I don't have any scares