constant fear and anxiety after a 'one night stand'

[asistar2016]

hey everyone. im 17/F/Australia. im an international student studying grade 12 in Australia. the way I was brought up told me that sex is for marriage and only fall in love for the Mr Right. But after I came to Australia without any family members, my ideology of sex started to change. i never had a bf or sexual experience before. I felt rly lonely at some point earlier this year, and went on tinder. I never thought I would go out with anyone on tinder but I did with a guy. he took me to the movies and started to make out with me and asked me to give him a blow job. But I felt so uncomfortable but I did it, and felt great afterwards. After that date, we never saw each other again. I found out that he actually had a girl friend which rly pissed me off but I didn't text him to say that he did something wrong. I just stopped texting him. And I felt betrayed and vulnerable but mostly regret about what happened.

After two months, I started to feel anxious, and afraid of running into him again. but meanwhile, I kinda want to see him again to see if im rly fearful of him. This constant reative anxiety has been rolling in my mind for the last month. and I rly tried everything, I talked to a lot of people and went to see a psychologist/psychiatrist. but still I have certain concerns. i don't feel like doing anything outside of home and school or going out to public. I don't even feel like travelling anymore. Is this normal? Does anyone have similar situation?

[Karyn]

Hi, asistar, welcome to Scarleteen. (It's always nice to see someone in my time zone here! )

What I'm hearing is that you're in a new place without any of your usual supports, rethinking your ideas about sex and relationships (which isn't a minor thing!), and you maybe felt pressured into sex with someone who wasn't honest with you. That's a lot to deal with, so it isn't too surprising that you're still struggling a bit. The fact that this is still bothering you a few months later though suggests that it wouldn't hurt to go back and see the psychologist you saw in the past, if that's possible. Once-off sessions with a psychologist or therapist can be helpful in some situations, but other times more than one session is needed, and the continuation of this anxiety is a good indication that some more in-person help would be useful here. If you're not able to see this particular psychologist again, I can have a look and see what might be available in your area. Headspace, for example, is a great organisation that offers mental healthcare specifically for young people in Australia, and they have a lot of different clinics so there is very likely one close to you, especially in a larger city like Brisbane.

In the meantime, did the psychologist give you any strategies to help you manage your feelings and anxiety? Is there anything that you know helps you out when you're feeling down or stressed that might be helpful now? (If you need some suggestions for self-care, we have a great list of things you can try right here: Self-Care a La Carte.)