unsure possible bisexual?

[wintergreen]

I've been questioning my sexuality for about a year now. I know I like boys, and I'm dating one currently, and I used to be 100% sure I was straight. But recently I've really begun to appreciate girls. I definitely find them more aesthetically pleasing than I do boys, and I'm more likely to think a female celebrity is hot than I am likely to think a male celebrity is hot. I'll try to imagine scenarios where I have romantic and/or sexual relationships with girls, and while I can imagine it, it's not quite as real as when I do it with boys.

The thing is, I'm worried that I may be feeling this way because tumblr has created a vibrant LGBT community that I want to be part of? Like I'm genuinely questioning my sexuality, but I'm worried it's because I'm, like, a "crybaby cis/het" as opposed to actually bi or pansexual. I have quite a few bisexual friends, and I'm in theatre, so I'm ysually surrounded by girls who are very open and touchy in all states of undress. I'm just confused.

I know that it's okay to be unsure, but to be conpletely honest, I feel more comfortable with labels. And girls are SOOO pretty.

[Redskies]

Hi, wintergreen, welcome to the boards!

Any reason at all is absolutely 100% okay for questioning your sexuality. There aren't some reasons that are any more or less legitimate or acceptable than any others Besides, you said it yourself: you're questioning. You're wondering about it, you're maybe asking questions of yourself or the world around you or the wider world. Wondering about things is a pretty positive thing to do, and a common and healthy part of being a human, and very especially a younger human.

It's also not uncommon for people who find their jouney takes them to identifying as some kind of not-straight to start out by appreciating, enjoying, and feeling at home in an LGBTQ+ community. Of course that doesn't mean that all LGBTQ-friendly straight people end up discovering they're not-straight! But it happens, it's not unusual. It'd also be fine if you arrived at feeling like you're straight: anyone can be questioning or unsure of their orientation, and there's no assumption about where the journey might go.

Plenty of people feel more comfortable if they have a word or short phrase that feels like a good description. You already described yourself as questioning: have you seen our article Q is for Questioning, and might "Questioning" fit that need for you?

[wintergreen]

Thank you so much! I read the article. So is questioning sort of label on its own? I think I'm just a little impatient to figure out who I am. ☺

[Heather]

It certainly can be: plenty of people use it that way.

I think it's helpful to know that you can know who you are without a sexual orientation that feels 100% and stays the same all through your life. After all, that's most people's experiences with sexual orientation in a lifetime -- that it's never all *that* solid, and that it also is sometimes fluid to some degree. Truly, the best anyone can ever do when it comes to orientation is to know their past and speak from their present: to know how they have generally felt and how they feel right now, with the most emphasis on the right now.

So, if you're more into girls right now, but are dating a guy, and that's really as much as you know, "I'm more into girls right now even though I'm dating a guy," is a perfectly reasonable and sound way to identify your orientation with words if you like. But really, whatever words feel right for you at a given time are "right" words that you, like anyone else, has the right to use. Make sense?

[wintergreen]

I think so. And I know that I can know who I am without having a 100% orientation, I think It's maybe more I want to figure out which space I occupy, if that makes sense? But honestly I've been on this site for a few hours and it's helped me already. Thank you so much!

[Heather]

I think so much of this is really about what space you WANT to occupy, when it comes to just talking about what you want to call yourself to others. After all, any of these terms are always very simple shorthand at best, and terms none of us will even use in most areas of our lives (since most parts of our lives don't tend to involve who we feel attracted to or talking about that, no matter our orientation).

So, what we call ourselves to others when it comes to this is more about what we want, really, than who we are, and what simply feels most comfortable and most true for us.