Identity Story. What does identity mean to you?

[Ashleah]

Identity is literally who or what you are, but that sounds a lot more simple than it really is. Identity is complex and never fits perfectly into a neat little box. It's constant, it's fluid, it's chosen, it's assigned, it's how you see yourself, (fortunately and unfortunately) it's how others might see you...you get the point. Even though i think it is safe to say that identity is important, that still doesn't tell the entire story. Each of us have a unique identity and for each of us that means something different.

So what is your identity story? This can mean a lot of things, so answer with whatever comes to mind. If you are having a hard time there are a few prompts below.

-Who are you? What are your identities?
-What aspects of your identity are the most important? Which are the least? Why?
-How do your identities impact you?
-Has the way you experience identity changed?

[cringy!cactus]

My identity story is confusing to me, but probably not as confusing to most. For the longest time, since I could register what I was feeling in my brain and remember it, I always thought that men were attractive. I would see them on TV and think, "wow, he's kind of cute". But then I also thought that women were attractive. I would see them on TV and think, "wow, she's kind of cute". I remember thinking about it when I was maybe 6 or 7. I felt guilty, like I was lying somehow. But I also knew that liking boys and/or girls was okay. No one ever told me about being gay, I just knew that people loved people, so it didn't matter. I knew that if no one else loved me, I'd still love myself and who I was. I was okay with whatever I was feeling, I just wanted to unmask it and know what it was.
So I continued on, saying that boys are hot, but never mentioning anything about girls. But in around 6th grade, I started becoming a strong advocate for LGBT+ rights. A lot of things were coming up about it, and people who talked shit made me sick and caused me to get fired up and rant for who knows how long. I also believed a lot of the whole "everyone's bisexual" theory going around (creds to @Shane Dawson lmao). I really did and still do believe that everyone is on a spectrum, one side is gay the other is straight. Some people are in the middle, meaning they're attracted to both genders or any person (s/o to all the non-binary peeps. I have mad respect for all of you ♥). I used to voice this theory a lot, and a lot of looks I receive were ones that read "so, you're lesbian???". And that made me upset. Why can't a straight girl just be a strong advocate for LGBT+ rights without getting ridiculed? That's like saying white people can't support the Black Lives Matter movement. But anyways, I always got so pissed. None of these people truly knew who I was, but then again, neither did I at the time.
At one point early this year, I was reading a fan fiction on Wattpad (Wattpad is a huge part of my life lmao yikes) and I saw a term I had never seen before; biromantic.
Now, obviously, it sounds pretty self-explained, but I was still curious, so I googled it.
BIROMANTIC:
Someone who is attracted to both genders, but one or both are non-sexual attractions. They still wish to participate in typical relationship activities; holding hands, snuggling, hugging, going out, buying gifts, etc. However it does not involve sex.
Automatically, I thought this is me. I was only 13 (lmao I'm 14 now oops), so of course I wasn't interested in having sex with someone. It all made sense, so that was my label. I think I told a few of my friends, but they didn't really listen to me (again, oops) so it wasn't a huge deal like I kind of wanted it to be. I didn't want drama, but I wanted someone to at least be interested or excited for me. Someone to say, "Woah,that's amazing that you figured out who you are. I'm really happy for you". But it didn't happen.
Then, a few months later I met this really nice girl on Wattpad (like I said,,,don't judge). She was super nice and we collabed on a story together and started snapchatting a lot. This was also when I started thinking about my sexuality again. I didn't know what I was. Part of me didn't want to put a label on myself, but another part wanted to just get it done and over with and just figure it out already. I felt really confident around this girl and finally asked her for some advice. What I got back was perfect.
She thought I might be pansexual. She said that basically, you love people, no matter what they are. Guys, girls, and every other gender under the sun. At first, I didn't really think that was me. I know that before when I was a little younger, I had thought pansexuality didn't exist. I thought that straight people loved people too, that everyone loved everyone. But that was only because I didn't get a very good definition of it (smh 11 year old me wyd). But as I thanked the girl for helping me, and started to fall asleep I realized that yeah, I do love everyone.
I started realizing it throughout my summer this year, thinking up scenerios of which I would decide if I'd be okay with my lover's choices (for example, if my husband/boyfriend were to come out as trans-meaning that he was originally born a girl-I'd be 100% okay with it and still love him/them with all my heart). All of the scenerios that I've come up with only further my identity as a pansexual girl.
But, as much as I'm sure that I am pansexual, I'm only 14. Things could change. I'm not trying to say that I'll "change my mind" and that it's "just a phase", but I'm saying that maybe, one day, I realize that I've always been into girls more, or that I wouldn't want to date someone trans (still have respect for all transgenders ok ily) or something like that. So, for now, I identify as pansexual. But I think that in general, I indentify as me, Madison, a girl who just really likes people.