Guilt and Regret.

[kindascared]

Hi.
I broke up with my boyfriend in June of 2016. This was the first guy I've ever been with and done anything sexually with. I got over it very quickly and moved on.
I met a new guy a couple months ago and really liked him, until he tried to sexually advance on me. The day after that, I told him I wasn't interested in him anymore. And I've cut off all contact with him. I felt so disgusted with myself about it all and I never want to feel like that again.
I just want to know that it's okay that I'm feeling this way. I just get so angry that these guys think they can do whatever they want.

Words of encouragement? I'm feeling really down on myself.

[Mo]

Hi kindascared,

I'm sorry you're feeling so upset. It sounds like you had a pretty unpleasant experience with this guy you were interested in for a bit, and it's ok to be upset or angry after that. Do you have a sense of why you're feeling upset with yourself in this situation, or how we can best support you right now?

[Blueswan]

Hello kindascared,

It is totally ok for you to feel upset. You didn't go into detail, but whatever happened was clearly something you were not ok with. Don't feel guilty, as you did nothing wrong. Here's a few places to start if you want to know how to heal up.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in ... e-yourself

https://www.rainn.org/articles/self-care-after-trauma

And, if you're comfortable, I suggest talking through it with someone, whether with a loved one, a professional, or us in this thread.

[kindascared]

Thank you both for replying!

I'm just so confused because I was totally okay with everything up until that point. It was like I wanted it until it happened and then I felt guilty. I felt used and taken advantage of. Because it's not what I wanted at all.

[Blueswan]

You're welcome! Glad I could help.

[Sam W]

Hi Kindascared,

You can be okay with a certain level of physical intimacy and still have a level of sexual stuff you're not comfortable with and don't want. That's what having a boundary is, really.

You mention feeling taken advantage of. Can you tell me more about that?

[kindascared]

Yes!

I just feel like this guy's goal the entire time was to "hook up" with me. I felt used and I regretted it afterwards. I'm still angry enough that I haven't spoken to him.

[Sam W]

It can suck when someone presents themselves as wanting one kind of relationship with you when in fact their interests in you are limited to "getting" one thing out of you. So it makes sense that you'd feel angry about it. And if you don't want to interact with him again, that's a boundary you get to have.