Girl crush or friend crush?

[snowytasia]

Background: I study in a catholic girls' school and I am a Christian (not a really traditional one tho), which basically means I'm in an environment that's not supportive of homo/bisexuality. I do have a few friends at school who are les/bi.

So here's my situation: I have this classmate whom I have know since 2 years ago. I'm not quite sure when, but at one point I started realizing that I -might- have been developing feelings for her. Needless to say, this made our friendship kind of awkward. I'm not entirely sure if those are really feelings or just me really wanting to be a closer friend to her, but then again my background and environment makes me try to tell myself that she's just a "friend crush" and that I'm just in a phase. But sometimes it just feels more than that, and I don't know what to think. I have a friend whom I'm quite close with who's bi. I think she kind of influences me in terms of letting my true feelings through as she did, but I'm so confused. What should I do?

[Sam W]

Hi Snowytasia,

First off, I'm glad to hear that, even though the space is not terribly accepting, you have friends who are (or who are themselves lesbian or bi) who you can talk to about this. You mention your one friend is bi, and you think you may be as well. Have you had a chance to talk to that friend about what your feeling and ask about her experience? You wouldn't even need to reveal who the crush was on, but it would be helpful to here someone else describe the process by which they figured out they were not straight. Does that sound doable?

The other big suggestion I have is to be patient with yourself while you work this out. Sometimes your orientation can take a bit of poking and prodding to work out. Too, if you'd like, you can do some talking through of your thoughts here. We can't answer the question of your orientation for you (that's something only you can decide) but we're certainly happy to chat with you about what you're feeling and thinking right now. You may also want to take a peek at this article : Q is for Questioning

[snowytasia]

Thanks so much for the response:)
The article really helped. At least I feel more comfortable with questioning right now.
Sometimes I think about my past "romantic attractions" (the prettier name for a crush) and compare how I felt with how I feel about my (friend) crush now. But being a girl who studied in a girls' school all my life, I don't have much to tell, yet sometimes Internet misleads with unrealistic expectations.
My bi friend had a girl crush in our class last year and we chatted about it and I brought about her confession. Before I get to talk to her about it though, I guess I'll continue to prod around in the meantime.
Again, thanks for the help! Scarleteen have been a very helpful site:D

[Sam W]

You're welcome, and I'm so glad it helped If you have other questions or things you'd like to talk about, we'll be here.