Why do people come out and do you have to?

[Annamorphic]

Let me start this off by saying I'm a history nerd and know quite a little bit about the history of the LGTB+ community. Still I never quite understood the idea of coming out. I get people are different and for some it might be the right thing but for me...I'm not a fan of the spotlight even if it is rainbow colored. Still I feel weird hiding in the shadows when queer visibility is so low in my area, kind of guilty you know? So is their a way to be out with out having to "come out". I've tried subtle hint dropping but people tend to brush it off when your a girl in a long term relationship with a boy. How could she possibly be anything other then straight? It is so easy to hide when you have a built in invisiblity cloak like that.
Really this isn't that difficult a problem to have... I mean my boyfriend knows and accepts me but I feel like I could help others if i stopped hiding this part of myself. For instance the other day one of my friends made some derogatory remark about a bi girl involving her short hair and then she quickly was like not that your like that even though your hair is short. Should I have said something? Yes. Did I no because I was scared she wouldn't accept me. Which is just pathetic considering how much good i could have done if i just said something instead of nodding along.

[Heather]

Coming out should absolutely be a choice and by no means is required of anyone.

Why someone comes out is individual, but on the whole, some common reasons people do are because it's painful or frustrating to live in secret, because they want to be accepted as the whole people they are, because it can be easier to pursue and have the intimate relationships someone wants, for political reasons (as you probably know from queer history, coming out sometimes was part of trying to get more LGBTQ liberation like we have now, but didn't before), and because keeping a big part of yourself a secret can tend to make living life more difficult in some ways.

But some or all of those things won't be true for everyone, in or out. And who to, where and when someone comes out also varies and gets to vary. Coming out -- or staying stealth -- is supposed to be something that best serves the person making that choice, and feels most right to them. It can also be about what they need to do to survive.

So, what do YOU want? What feels most right for YOU right now?