breakups

[Woodpecker]

Hi,

Just looking for advice really. It's been about 2 weeks since my boyfriend broke up with me. I've been feeling better about it because long story short he hurt me, not just by breaking up with me. I know for a fact I'm better off without him but I can't go a day without thinking about him or the memories we shared. He was my first boyfriend and I know I don't need him anymore but I just can't get him out of my head.

Are there anyways I can stop thinking about him and everything we did together?

Thanks in advance x

[Sam W]

Hi Woodpecker,

Breakups, no matter how much they may be needed, can leave you feeling pretty raw. And when the breakup is fresh, it's normal to think back on the good times of the relationship and miss those parts. We've got this article that might be really helpful right now: Getting Through a Breakup Without Actually Breaking

If you're comfortable talking about it, can you explain a little about how else he hurt you?

[Woodpecker]

Thank you! I'll definitely read that article.

He didn't hurt me physically, just ended it out of the blue. I found out that a couple days after breaking up, he slept with another girl. Which he brought up after we agreed to give time into thinking what's best for us. He made it sound like we would give us another go but he basically lead me on and dropped me after saying he wants to stay mates. He then admitted that in the space of a few weeks after it ended, he's met a girl who he's interested in and they're now in a relationship.

In all honesty I know I shouldn't be thinking about him as he basically walked all over me. However I'm having a hard time accepting he's just moved onto another girl. To me it sounds like a rebound.

I think I dwell on it so much is because I'm a worrier in general anyway and overthink everything to the last detail. So having this on top of how I am normally, makes a bit difficult for me.

[Karyn]

I'm so sorry he treated you that way: that's a lot to deal with, and it's understandable that you're still thinking about it! Breakups - regardless of the details - can take some time to move on from, even if you know logically that the other person didn't treat you well. There's no "should" about feelings; you get to feel however you feel for however long it takes you to deal with those feelings. If you're finding that this is taking up all of your mental space, though, it can be worth trying to distract yourself a bit with other things. Hobbies, hanging out with friends, or a good book or favourite movie can be help shift your focus to something else at least temporarily, and you'll likely find that in time you're just not thinking about him or the breakup as much.

If you aren't sure what kinds of self-care strategies work for you, or you want to try a few new ones, we have a list of suggestions here that makes a good starting point: Self-Care a La Carte

[Woodpecker]

Thank you for your advice! I'll have to just accept those feeling and try to move past them. I just think all the flashbacks of us spending time together is taking me away from living my life. Feel like my mind is spiralling and I'm wasting my life away by dwelling on the past. It's easy for me to get stuck in my head, so by going through a breakup - it's as if it's been intensified

[Karyn]

It can take a bit of time after a breakup for the intensity of those feelings and memories to subside, and if you're someone who overthink things then that can make it more difficult for sure. At this point, like I said, the best thing you can do is probably to try and distract yourself for a bit of time every day with other things.

[Woodpecker]

I will definitely distract myself! Thank you for all your help!