Threatened with Harassment Charge

[stlyogi9]

Hi! Recently my online dating profile was hacked. This lead to me sending a message to one guy in particular that I had texted a few times, just letting him know that my personal info, including my phone number had probably been compromised. I explained the situation to him and he didn't believe me, stating that my story had a 'lot of plot holes' and that it was very 'contrived'. He then went on to say that if I 'didn't explain my story more honestly, your university and place of business will be contacted about harassment and other things'. I obviously freaked out about this. Can I be charged with harassment when I haven't actually done anything wrong? Isn't harassment defined as sending messages over and over or bullying someone? I don't see my message as harassment, I see it as a warning to him to not continue messaging or texting someone who isn't me. He said he put in my phone number and my Facebook profile popped up.

He did say later on that 'taking action in this situation wouldn't be useful' but what if he changes his mind? Are there even any grounds for this or proof that he could use? I'm just so confused and worried. I know this isn't a legal website or anything, just looking for some clarity. Thanks!

[Sam W]

Hi stlyogi9,

That sounds like a really stressful situation. From what you've described, if your message to him was a warning that your account had been hacked and that someone might try to contact him who wasn't you, he'd have a hard time convincing anyone that this was harassment on your part. Did the person who hacked you also message him?

For now, I would take him at his word that he's decided not to do anything. If he were to contact your school or work, you could them what you've told us.

[stlyogi9]

He said that he had been receiving text messages from my phone number but I haven't been texting him at all. I'm very confused and worried and didn't even know that another person could duplicate my number and send messages from it. Apparently the person who hacked me (or just me, in his opinion), wanted to meet up with him today for coffee but I never sent any messages about that. All of my online dating app profiles have been deleted, not just the app. I have screenshots from other guys and offered them as more proof, but he declined and said he was 'just confused'. I'm just so appalled by this. I am the last person that would ever harass another human, and to be accused of something like that is just really jarring. Especially when all I did was send him a message about being careful. I don't know anything about harassment laws in my state but I also know that if he did contact my university or my job, no one would believe him.

[Redskies]

First things first: this guy has told real-you that he feels harrassed by you. So, regardless of whether the other messages came from a hacker, it's really important that you don't contact this guy again, in any form, for any reason. I know that must feel very, very unfair when it's someone else who's done wrong and you've just tried to clear things up, but if he's responded badly so far it's almost a certainty that trying again would only make things worse. It's important that you protect yourself and make sure that real-you truly never harrasses him or does anything that could seem like harrassing him.

Him saying that he could speak to your university or place of work sounds dodgy to me. It is almost always extremely inappropriate to contact, or threaten to contact, a place of work about something that happened in a personal capacity. Contacting a place of work like that can itself be a form of harrassment.

It would certainly be very distressing to find out that someone's done or said things as if they were you, but you don't know what they said. I'm so sorry you're in this situation.

Have you yet asked for advice from anywhere with some technological and legal expertise? Not about the accusation of harrassment, but about the hack and your compromised information. I'm concerned about the possible impact on you of having your personal information compromised, especially as it seems that someone has already used it to cause trouble. If someone's been using your information as if they were you, that's identity theft, and depending on what information they have, they could create a lot of financial and practical trouble for you. I'd strongly advise seeking advice from somewhere that can go through with you exactly what information may have been compromised, knows the possible results of that, and can suggest to you the best ways to protect yourself from any further evil-doings that a hacker might try.

I think you deserve information and guidance from people with better expertise about hacking and identity theft than we can possibly have here! We're happy to help you out with any emotional support you might need while you're dealing with this situation.

[stlyogi9]

I don't plan on contacting him ever again and I am really hoping he sticks to his word about not charging me with harassment. Thanks for the kind words and reassurance! I am looking into legal help with identity theft. Something like this has never happened to me before and I always feel comfortable at Scarleteen. Thanks again!

[Redskies]

I'm glad to hear you're looking into help for identity theft! That does also have the benefit that, if this guy did make any official complaint, you would have some records that you've been dealing with identity theft, making it easier for you to demonstrate that you weren't responsible for the harassing messages.

I'm glad you feel comfortable here! We're happy to help as we can, and you're so welcome.