Early Use of Vibrator affecting sex?

[caligirl101]

I started using a vibrator my freshman year of high school (yes I know it's early) because I had found my moms and was curious. After orgasming, I immediately loved it. I continue to use it and also watched porn with it. When I started having sex my senior year, I felt nothing. It was uncomfortable and never felt good. Even fingering and oral sex felt like nothing. I continued to use the vibrator. But now I am in college and still feel nothing good. It is extremely frustrating and harder to stayed turned on during sex. After much thinking and researching, I think that by using the vibrator so early I have programmed my parts wrong and hand/mouth/sex just don't stimulate me, and I know that I need to stop using it. I even questioned my sexuality because I was confused as to why I couldn't feel anything, even though I know that I am into boys. Do you think that the use of a vibrator (especially so early) is the problem here? How go I get myself to feel stimulated by sex/fingering?

[Mo]

Hi there caligirl, I'm sorry you're finding this situation to be so frustrating!

I don't think you have to stop using a vibrator if you don't want to. There are plenty of people who find that a vibrator feels better than other sexual stimulation and that's not a problem on its own. Having said that, though, I can understand wanting to find other ways to feel sexual pleasure, and to enjoy partnered sex more.

You could try taking a break from using your vibrator for a bit and seeing if there are other kinds of touch or stimulation that feel good during masturbation. This doesn't have to be Huge Amazing Orgasm levels of good, just noticing what else feels nice. A vibrator isn't going to break or harm you or your sexual response in any way, but sometimes people get really used to the very intense feel of a vibrator and don't notice or enjoy more subtle stimulation as much. Again, that's not necessarily a problem, but it could be helpful to take some time on your own (which might feel a bit freer and lower-pressure than doing this all with a partner might feel) to see what else might feel enjoyable. If and when you do, that's knowledge you could take with you and talk to a partner about when having sex. Something that feels good when you do it doesn't always feel the same when someone else does, but you can show them what works and give some feedback.

When you've mentioned partnered sex here, I don't get the feeling that it's something you've really found enjoyable at all. Is that the case? Are you feeling aroused and excited for sex when it's happening, and have your partners been good at asking you what feels good and communication around sex in general? There's really no way to make yourself aroused or stimulated by any particular kind of sex, and it's ok if there are types of sex you just don't like or aren't interested in. If you just aren't getting anything out of sex right now, I encourage you to take a break from it, at least for the moment. Pushing through when you are already not into it isn't likely to make it more enjoyable, and can in fact make it less enjoyable as time goes on.