Sexual pleasure.

[WolfeKay]

so I lost my virginity once with my ex who surprised me I had no consent he stuck it in and I screamed to pull out and he did. I bled but that was all it was so painful.

Now I have a new boyfriend and I finally was ready to try sex but for real, with more intercourse. So I was on top and slowly sat down as he thrust a little to help it go in. And it was finally in and it hurt still but not too bad but after a while I only had that Uncomfortable feeling and if he went deeper i had a sharp pain. But after a while more I finally got used to it, I felt slight pleasure of tingles off and on.. It's like it would start to feel good I'd feel something building up in my chest then the pleasure disappeared then it would come back. I don't understand what was really happening since I'm not too experienced, my boyfriend had sex before so he wasn't doing anything wrong I've watched videos. I wasn't sure why I didn't really get much pleasure? I love him so much and I feel bad that I couldn't feel much pleasure.
Should we try again?

[Jacob]

Hi again Wolfe Kay!

In terms of pleasure... I guess it's not about your boyfriend doing anything 'wrong' per se as there's no single way to have sex. But, 'having done it before' doesn't make anyone an expert, as you can see for yourself! Videos too, won't show you what feels good for you, they might just depict people who either like having sex a certain way or are professionals who are making porn for the viewer, where you don't see what they do to prepare or what they actually enjoy off-camera.

The only way to know what feels pleasurable for you is to learn it from your own body. You can love some body a bunch but in lots of ways pleasure is physical too. Lots of people, for example need clitoral stimulation to feel pleasure which, which they don't get from Penis-in-Vagina sex. There's some great reading here:

From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse

You also don't have any responsibility to enjoy sex, or to be having sex... You're saying you feel like 'should' be enjoying it but actually if it doesn't feel good, and you aren't getting anything from it, there's isn't a need to be having any sort of sex.

I'm wondering about the sexual health elements too:

Have you guys been thinking about and doing anything about STI and Pregnancy Risks? Do you have anywhere you can go to access condoms or if you wanted an STI test?

[WolfeKay]

Yes we use condums we have access.
A lot of people say you don't get pleasure right away in sex it takes a while maybe the third time or so.

[Jacob]

Hi Kay!

It's good to know you have access to what you need!

When it comes to pleasure... Lots of people do find it changes over time, but that is about what you learn, and how you feel emotionally... For example: feeling more relaxed with the idea of sex, or discovering things that feel good!

It's not about whether it's the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, or 100th time, it's about how you feel with the person you're having sex with. So you don't need to force yourself to have uncomfortable sex, to get to some magic on the other side of that stress!

How about treating it like Exploring and learning about yourself instead of aiming for that one Goal? Would that be helpful for you?

[WolfeKay]

Thank you so much it did help!