is something wrong with my body?

[juliapa]

hi, i have a question that is bothering me for some years now, and i'm too embarrassed to ask my mom. (if you don't understand my english,sorryyy, im brazilian) ok, so i had a girlfriend for two years, and my first time was with her. And while she got really wet, my body didn't produce ANY lubrification at all. and since that was the first time i was seeing how a female body should react during sex, i realize that me don't getting wet was an issue. And along with that, sex wasn't really enjoyable for me, i did it more for her. And after we broke up, i did it for the other poeple i was with, i enjoyed making them orgasm, but i never really orgasmed myself. when i masturbate is the same thing, i don't fell aroused at all, i tried everything. I though maybe it could be a hormonal thing or something. is something wrong with my body? oh and one more thing, everyone i have sex with tells me if they are doing something wrong because i don't get wet at all, and i get kind of embarrassed, so it's really affecting my sex life at the moment...

[Heather]

It doesn't sound like anything is wrong with your body. Or at least, it doesn't sound like we should assume there may be a physical problem at this point.

It's always a mistake to assume that because one person's body does a thing, that is what is normal. In reality, human bodies are very diverse, including with sexual responses. By all means, when someone with a vagina gets very aroused, it is typical for their vagina and vulva to produce lubrication. However, that doesn't always happen, and also doesn't happen for everyone or at the same level for everyone. I'm sorry your partners clearly haven't known that, and also lack the sexual-social skills to know how to address that well. You're hardly going to feel *more* sexy when a partner tells you what they have been!

It sounds like you're saying that so far in your life, you haven't really been enjoying yourself, and may even be engaging in sex for other people's benefit, or out of their interest, more than your own. It sounds like you perhaps haven't yet found what really turns you on, even. If all of any of this is true, then it's unsurprising you aren't lubricating much or at all, because it doesn't sound like you've been aroused to make that happen, or found a way to be sexual that makes you more aroused, if it's going to.

Make sense? If you want to talk about any of this -- including how to start having a sexual life that better speaks to what you want and excites you, even when you're not sure what that is -- we're glad to do that with you.