Distance

[Jxane_]

The past 4 weeks have been really upsetting for me. Me and my boyfriend got into an argument that lead into a huge misunderstanding and our relationship has been on the rocks since then. We're so distant with eachother that we can go days without contacting eachother. We both have school and work so we don't have time to sit down together face to face and clear everything up. There was a big situation that happened with him weeks ago and he pushed me away. I later found out that someone close to him died and he was having a hard time dealing with it. I was sad that he couldn't tell me what the problem was so I could've helped instead he pushed me away. We discussed what the situation was and moved on. Weeks later we got into an argument and that really messed us up. I just feel like he doesn't want to talk to me with what's happening in his life he won't open up to me and tell me anything. He says that I don't treat him right and that I'm always cold but I don't see that. I miss him. I miss how we could talk on the phone for hours and fall asleep now I go days without hearing his voice or even hearing him from at all. I don't even know where we stand right now. I hate to admit this but I have a close guy friend and he's been helping me get through this with my boyfriend being distant and I've recently developed feelings for him and I don't want that. It's not strong feelings where I'll leave my boyfriend for my guy friend but more of like my guy friend texts me, calls me, gives attention to me, cheers me up and basically does everything my boyfriend doesn't do anymore. If my boyfriends acting this way because he's lost interest, then I would rather he tell me instead of dragging this on and making me wonder. I know that this whole distance thing is cause we haven't sat down together and talked about the argument we're just piling up all our anger and it's getting to be a big problem. I don't know what to do please help.

[Mo]

You know, I think you sum it up really well at the end of this post - you and your boyfriend haven't taken the time to sit down and really talk about what's been going on between you, so anger and hurt feelings are just piling up and not being resolved. Do you think he'd agree to find time to talk, if you asked him?

It sounds like maybe you both have things to share with each other about how you'd like things to go, ideally, in your relationship. I hear you saying that having someone be attentive and trying to cheer you up is important to you, and it's not something your boyfriend is doing right now. That's something you could talk to him about, and maybe he'd be willing to discuss his concerns as well. I really don't think there's anything else you can do to improve or solve this issue without you both being willing to invest in a serious talk about how things are going.