Feeling stressed over the implant

[Livteen]

Hi guys,

I’ve written before over different things, but I’m feeling kinda down right now and just have a question.

I have health anxiety and get VERY frustrated with myself when my brain gets hooked on thinking about something.

At the minute, I can’t stop thinking about the fact that this morning my boyfriend grabbed my arm (playfighting) and squeezed where the implant is; he apologised and said it feels good to him, but all I can think about is if it’s broken, as we had sex last night, and my protection could be compromised.

To exacerbate my worries, my bleed on the implant had pretty much stopped, but came back heavier about 2 hours after he grabbed my arm and maybe snapped it.

I can’t get an appointment with a doctor to check it for 3 week, and I never trust my own judgement as I’m always convinced it’s broken even after a medical professional has told me it isn’t.

Is this a normal worry with the implant? I’m so fed up and I don’t know what to do.

Thank you

[Sam W]

Hi Livteen,

Generally people get the implant because it helps them worry less due to it being a very goof-proof method. However, if you have ongoing anxiety issues, that means you're more likely than average to worry about certain things. Can you give me a sense of how much, if any, professional support you've received around your anxiety?

Too, whenever someone has worries that their birth control has been compromised they have options when it comes to sex. They can abstain from any activities that carry a pregnancy risk until they've confirmed their birth control is not compromised, or they can add a condom as a back-up method. Do you think you and your boyfriend could try one of those options until your fears have settled?

[Livteen]

Hi Sam,

I’m in therapy (on my third session) and on anti-depressants, and have a very supportive family even though my anxiety focuses on sex and pregnancy. I think I’m so upset today because I’ve had such a good, positive week (the best in a long time) and I feel like today, my boyfriend grabbed my arm and it’s all gone downhill again.

The ironic thing is, I’ve abstained for 3 months. Last night was the first time we’ve had penetrative sex in that time, and the first time we’ve done anything sexual in at least 3.5 weeks, because I’ve been convinced my implant was compromised. I’m unlucky enough that the possible break in my implant happened the morning after this occasion!

I just really struggle with uncertainty; I found that taking pregnancy tests and going the doctors would satisfy me temporarily, but was really making my anxiety worse. However, at the minute, all I want to do is see a doctor or a nurse and have them tell me I’m okay.

I’m finding it even tougher because I’m at university 200 miles away from all my family. I just feel so lost, but I don’t know what to do. I used to love my sex life, but now all it symbolises to me is risk and fear.

My therapist says I should slowly start exposing myself to sexual activity again, to get rid of true stigma I have built up around it, which I felt brave enough to do last night. However, today I swear that my arm is hurting me because the implant broken and that I’m at risk.

Sorry for the ramble!

[Sam W]

Got it. I think then, during your next session with your therapist you should talk with them about how this most recent attempt at their suggestion went. I think it's also worth asking them, if you haven't already, for tools to help you manage this recurring anxiety when it comes up. It sounds like this therapist has concluded that your pregnancy fears are tied to some underlying stigma attached to sex. Do I have that right? And if so, was that conclusion based on something you told them?

[Livteen]

I think that they are, but I really don’t know where that stigma has come from. I think it’s because, when I was just using condoms, I did have a pregnancy scare and that fear has stuck with me ever since. However, that was in July last year now.

I’m just freaking out because so many people say they can ‘tip’ their implant and see the other side pop up. I can’t do that though, but I don’t think I’ve ever been able to. Im taking that as a sign it is broken. I’m so scared but I don’t know what to do; I feel like if I seek assurance from a medical professional I’ll be letting my therapist and family down.

[Sam W]

Have you brought up that first pregnancy scare with your therapist? If not, I would bring it up during the next session, since it seems to be connected to the anxiety you're dealing with now.

I think it would be helpful to frame contacting a healthcare provider as being less about letting people down and more about engaging in a reassurance seeking behavior that you know hasn't helped you before. The only reason to contact a provider at this point is if your could feel that the implant had broken into two separate pieces or severely bent. It sounds like right now would be a good time to look at this article and pick a few things to do for yourself today: Self-Care a La Carte