Condoms?

[TownHall]

Okay hey scarleteen, I wanted to talk about condoms. I have such a hard time trusting them even when my boyfriend and I used them correctly and when we get done we always check for any leaks or holes or breaks and tears and we always use a new condom if we go more than once but yet after sex I get uncontrollably anxious about the fact that what if it didn't work? We've done it without a condom before but It made me really fearful about getting pregnant and now that we do use them i still feel really anxious about them not working. We don't use lube but none have ever broken or ripped or slipped off all the way(he also pulls out) but, I know this is gonna sound stupid, could they have tiny holes in them?

[Siân]

Hi Jess,

Generally, when condoms break they do so in a pretty obvious rip or split. You mentioned you don't use lube but it is one of the best ways to make extra sure your condom stays intact - and a lot of people find it feels better too! Why not look at this article for a quick refresher? Condom Basics: A User's Manual

Also, have you considered backing up your contraception with a second method? The Buddy System: Effectiveness Rates for Backing Up Your Birth Control With a Second Method Plenty of people rely on one method but when pregnacy risk is an important concern we recommend looking into using two methods of contraception to minimise the risks even more. What do you think?

[TownHall]

Hi thank you for replying! Yeah I did start on birth control a couple days ago but I've been hanging around the crazy internet ladies who talk about their birth control methods failing and maybe I'm just not entirely ready to be engaging in activity that could lead to pregnancies? My anxiety is through the rough about it that I like missed my period and had to take a test to make sure I wasn't pregnant EVEN AFTER I KNEW I HAD PROTECTED SEX AND WAS 110% AS CAUTIOUS AS I COULDVE BEEN!

[Siân]

Hi Jess,

I think you've made a pretty wise insight. Sometimes we try something and realise that it is not something we want or are prepared for just now. Only you can make the decision on what is right for you, but maybe it's time to take a moment to think about what kinds of activities you do and don't want to be doing? If you haven't read these, or it's been a while since you have, they might be a good place to start:

Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist
Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist

Also, I would suggest that you think about what sources of information are good and reliable and based on up-to-date medicine and science and which are based on rumour, anecdote or misinformation. Literacy is Power and might help with the anxiety.