No feeling during intercourse

[jpj]

I have only ever had one partner for the past 17 years ( so have nothing to compare my sexual experience to) and from the very beginning we have always had issues sexually. We both care deeply about each other and are very attracted to one another which has helped us through the difficulties and focus on the things that are worth staying together. But I know not just for me but also him him the sexual problems are always at the back of our minds. He had one partner before me so has something to compare our situation to and I know that the sex was way better for him. Basically when we have penis/ vaginal intercourse he says he cannot feel anything 9 out of 10 times. We have had two children (born vagionally with no complcations) but the issue was the same before as it was after. I get incredibly wet as soon as I am aroused and it is like a slimy lubricant that my partner says reduces any feeling. I have been to the Harvard Vanguard Vulvovagional clinic and have been tested for all strains of yeast etc I have also gone to pelvic floor physio after giving birth and although there was slight change overall my muscle strength was good and I was told my vagina size normal. I just would like to for once feel like I have had great sex and I am not dillusional to think what you see in TV is what everyone experiences but I know that there is something missing. I have more enjoyment than my partner but I think that is because clitoris stimulation helps and the initial feeling of penetration but I too can feel that every once and while it is much better then most times in regards to feeling when he is in me. I have read about vaginal tenting could my vagina tent too much? Because he says when he is in me it feels like he is having sex with air/into water with no friction at all. I am not that optomistic to get help it has been so long trying to find help/SN answer, I have been to so many specialist only to get told I am fine it might be in my head.....we have also gone to sex therapy together and are open to talk so I truly believe it is physical could it just be we are just not compatible? I go through these moments of hope that maybe there is an answer and I tend to try and always be an optimist so thought I'd give this board a try.

[Sam W]

Hi jpj,

To start out with, what you're describing about your vaginal lubrication during arousal sounds very standard, which supports what your healthcare providers have indicated about this being less a physical thing and more something to do with mental and emotional components. For starters, while vaginal sex is often treated as the be-all-end-all of pleasure, the reality is that plenty of people find other kinds of stimulation work better for them. Can you give me a sense of how much your and your partner have focused on other sexual activities? For example, since it sounds like friction may be something that feels good to him (and possibly you), have you experimented much with manual sex? And can you give me a sense of how well you feel like you know your own body and what makes it feel good (for instance, do you bring things that give you pleasure during masturbation into partnered sex)?