uncomfortable with partner's genitalia

[arbitrarian]

I think this is okay to post here, since I'm not asking for specific procedures. sorry if I'm wrong.

So, I'm deeply uncomfortable with dicks. don't want to see them, much less do anything with them. not because of any past negative experience, that's just the way it is. I'm dating a cis guy. he has a dick. now he's really good about consent, and if I wanted to avoid sexual experiences which make me uncomfortable he would be alright with that. still, though, I really don't want that. I want to be able to get over myself and have sex that he enjoys too, not because of pressure from him but from my own legitimate desire. I'm just not sure how to even start getting over this almost physical repulsion. has anyone else here experienced something like this and/or have any ideas?

[makz_marie]

hi arbitrarian!

I may not have a solution exactly, but I can definitely sympathize. I've identified as bisexual for a long time, but penises just... kind of intimidate me?
the first time I had intimate interactions with a penis-owning person, they were very nice and understanding about it. we didn't do anything actually involving the penis, but after a while both of us were naked and, you know, a penis was there. that was a good experience, since it allowed me to see it up close for the first time and assess my comfort level without feeling pressured. you and your boyfriend might want to try something like that, easing slowly out of your comfort zone by starting small. if you can handle seeing a penis, maybe you can work your way up to touching it. if not, that's probably a good sign you shouldn't be having any penis-related sexual experiences any time soon.

[arbitrarian]

hi arbitrarian!

I may not have a solution exactly, but I can definitely...

Thank you! that's definitely helpful. also, it's nice to know other people have been here too.

[brittainee]

I would agree with the person above and say start really really small. Maybe lay in bed with just one layer on, move to no layers not touching, then layers arms touching, etc. The most important thing is TAKE YOUR TIME. I was not with my penis having partner for nearly two years, because penises were just not my thing. And the thing may be, you may never get comfortable enough to be with someone with a penis and if that is the case that is completely fine.

[arbitrarian]

I would agree with the person above and say start really really

Thanks. I definitely get the working up thing, and that's good advice. the odd thing is I'm certainly comfortable with other forms of physical contact with him, it's just his dick that I have any problem with. I've seen it, I've touched it, but it's just not pleasant.

[makz_marie]

Thanks. I definitely get the working up thing, and that's good advice. the odd thing is I'm certainly comfortable with other forms of physical contact with him, it's just his dick that I have any problem with. I've seen it, I've touched it, but it's just not pleasant.

well, the good news there is that there's no requirement that says you have to touch his penis or do anything in particular with it that you aren't comfortable with. there are all kinds of other ways to be intimate with a partner, and y'all can find what works for both of you!