Girlfriend isn't interested in sex

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needsomeadvice
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Age: 24
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Sexual identity: Lesbian or Bisexual. Unsure of which.
Location: USA

Girlfriend isn't interested in sex

Unread post by needsomeadvice »

ever. i respect that an i would never EVER pressure her 4 sex but i still want 2 have it. i love her very much and sex isn't a huge deal but im interested in it an she isnt so idk what to do. advice?
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Heather
scarleteen founder & director
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Location: Chicago

Re: Girlfriend isn't interested in sex

Unread post by Heather »

The first thing to look at in this situation is what kind of relationship you both want to be in.

It sounds like you want a sexual relationship. It appears she doesn't. That means that this isn't someone you're going to be able to have a sexual relationships with, not any time soon anyway. and not unless her feelings change. And that's not something for you to try and do: when someone doesn't want to be sexual with us, the ONLY right response is to just accept that. If WE want to be sexual with another person, we need to find someone to be sexual with who also wants to be sexual with us, you know?

have you two talked about what kind of relationship you want? And maybe, if you have been together a while, since before you were interested in a sexual relationship with her, have you talked about that it's possible your relationship might need to shift to something else, whether that's something that doesn't have to be exclusive, something that's romantic, but not sexual (and allows you to have a sexual relationship with someone else), or if maybe being girlfriend-girlfriends isn't right for you anymore if your wants are really different?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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needsomeadvice
newbie
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue May 15, 2018 7:58 pm
Age: 24
Awesomeness Quotient: I'd consider myself generally intelligent.
Primary language: English
Pronouns: She/her
Sexual identity: Lesbian or Bisexual. Unsure of which.
Location: USA

Re: Girlfriend isn't interested in sex

Unread post by needsomeadvice »

weve been dating 4 over 1 year an i do accept that she doesnt want sex. like i want 2 have sex but also i love her very much an dont wanna break up with her. weve been best friends 4 years. i know open relationships r a thing but idk how to bring that up 2 her.
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Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 9703
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
Age: 54
Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
Primary language: english
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: Girlfriend isn't interested in sex

Unread post by Heather »

Changing the nature or kind of relationship doesn't have to be a breakup, but it sounds like you're saying what you'd like to do is talk about considering a relationship with her that is sexually open. Do I have that right?

If so, have you seen this here yet: A First Polyamory Guide?

I'm happy to talk with you more about how to talk about this with a partner, but that starter set might be good to read before we do that. :)
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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needsomeadvice
newbie
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue May 15, 2018 7:58 pm
Age: 24
Awesomeness Quotient: I'd consider myself generally intelligent.
Primary language: English
Pronouns: She/her
Sexual identity: Lesbian or Bisexual. Unsure of which.
Location: USA

Re: Girlfriend isn't interested in sex

Unread post by needsomeadvice »

thanks! ill make sure 2 read up
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Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 9703
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
Age: 54
Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
Primary language: english
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: Girlfriend isn't interested in sex

Unread post by Heather »

Happy to help. Feel free to shout back after if you want some more help with this. :)
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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