Can't shake the anxiety!

[kunook]

This is the second time this has happened, and the guilt isn't helping the panic go away.
To start this off, i'm going to share I have been diagnosed with multiple anxiety disorders, so panic isn't unknown to me. They've been apart of my life for almost 13 years now so i've learned them pretty well! I thought I knew them all, until now.
Anytime I start to engage in... Sexy talk? with my partner (LDR), i'm hit with a major confliction: As much as I enjoy it, I start to have a panic attack. The first time we got like this I was perfectly fine, no anxiety, no panic, just fun. But the last two times I've had to cut it short because I get really overwhelmed and pushed past my threshold. The first time it happened I was told if I needed to stop I just had to ask, but today when I finally had to put the brakes on it I got hit with a wall of guilt and even more anxiety that I upset them (even though the response I was given, while showing a bit of a disheartened tone, was not exactly positive or negative). I know I shouldn't feel guilty, if I want to say no I can, but it won't go away.
I feel like i'm broken, especially because I always talk such big game and can happily be frisky on my own, but now the second the feeling is mutual I can't continue. I'm an 18 year old who was raised in a pretty sex and sexuality positive household (just the other day my father and I were discussing my gender identity!), I shouldn't get like this when presented with something i've openly desired before!

[kunook]

Welp.. Correction: I'm now being treated.. in a way I don't like. Responses are short and emotionless. I now feel like i've fucked up greatly.

[Sam W]

Hi kunook,

I'm sorry you're dealing with a situation where something sexual is tripping the panic button in your brain. To give me a better sense of what you're dealing with, does the panic kick in any time you're talking while being sexual? Or is it when certain types of language or phrasing are used?

When you say you're being treated in a way you don't like, is that by your partner?