Romantic Confusion

[cosmoetic]

Hi, I am a fourteen year old female high school student. Recently I have rediscovered feelings for a boy I had had a previous interest in for a long time. My friend has offered to help me get to know him better as she and him are friends. Although the prospect of being able to have a relationship with him really makes me feel excited and I want to get to know him as a friend as well, it made me really reconsider if I am ready or am in need of a romantic relationship.
I've never had a boyfriend, or any guy best friend. Generally, most guys in my life so far have only played the role of a bully, or actively tried to make me feel like less of a person. I feel that this has skewed my ability to reason as to why I am interested in a relationship with this boy, in a sense that I want a guy to view me in a loving and and respectful sense, instead of a target or a inferior person. This isn't to say that all men are like this, it's just that my experience so far has hurt my trust in males in general. And as a result, I think that I am trying to have a relationship with a guy in an attempt to unlearn my past experiences. I don't feel comfortable explaining this to my parents, as they would disprove of me being interested of relationships at all.
I'm not in a hurry to solve this problem, but it's something I've been thinking about for a while, and I'm not sure how to handle it.

[Sam W]

Hi cosmoetic,

I'm sorry that so many of your guy peers have been unpleasant. When so many of your interactions with guys are like that, it can definitely leave you feeling wary of getting close to a guy in a romantic or platonic way.

With the guy you're interested in, you mention that you've rediscovered feelings for him. Can you give me a sense of what those feelings are? For instance, are they romantic or sexual attraction? Curiosity and a desire to get to know him better? Something else?

[cosmoetic]

I became interested in him again because I realized that it would be chance to maybe get to know him better in both a friendly and romantic way, because he seemed to be a very kind and interesting person. I find him attractive, and his personality and overall impression on me are what I am looking for in a friend and a partner.

[Mo]

Maybe it'll be helpful to think about this as a chance to get to know him better, and not try to figure out what else you might be interested in just yet. I think it's great to think about how ready you feel for a romantic relationship, but even if you aren't sure about that yet, you could focus on just the process of learning more about him and about how he treats you.
Plus, I think it's easier to determine if you feel like you could be ready for a relationship with a specific person than it is to think abstractly about a relationship in general, if that makes sense. Getting to know him more might help clarify that for you.