Wish I could have a girlfriend

[GavinToohey]

I feel so alone sometimes. I know I would like to with a girl who enjoyed being around me that was attracted to me and vice versa. I know I got to make friends first and I should rush things but what should I do?

[GavinToohey]

I feel so alone sometimes. I know I would like to with a girl who enjoyed being around me that was attracted to me and vice versa. I know I got to make friends first and I shouldn't rush things but what should I do?

[al]

Hi GavinToohey, and welcome to Scarleteen!

I have some Good News and some Even Better News for you. The first bit of Good News is that you're not the only young person that feels alone - most young people feel lonely at some point or another, especially during periods of transition. Not-so-young and older people feel lonely at times too - it's a very human experience to want social interaction and relationships. In fact, your post reminds me of someone else who wrote in with a similar sentiment about wanting to be in a relationship, and Mo had some really good advice that you might find helpful. At the bottom of that post is a link to a post by an advice blogger named Captain Awkward that also had some helpful things to say.

But before I go on, I want to take a moment to address how you've framed things. Your post is titled, "Wish I could have a girlfriend". It's not as if there's someone that you already know/like, and that you wish was romantically interested in you, but rather that you're looking for someone (anyone?) to be your girlfriend. I want to know more about that - what exactly are you hoping to get out of that relationship? If your list includes things like companionship, trust, vulnerability, self-confidence, and/or something to occupy your time, are there other people in your life or ways that those needs can be fulfilled?

What we tend to hear about most often in the young-people-dating-world of Scarleteen is that young people find friends, dates, and/or romantic partners while doing something else that they care about. It isn't enough to put on clothes every day and think to yourself, "I want someone to date", and hope that someone finds you attractive and approaches you. Most long-term romantic relationships come through people meeting and getting to know each other through a shared interest or because they have similar values. They meet when they're working together on a project for school, or because they both volunteer at the animal shelter, or because they both joined a group to play Dungeons and Dragons (true story). You're totally right in that the "friends" part usually has to come before the "girlfriend" one.

So I promised you some Even Better News, and here it is: there are lots of places for young people to connect and build relationships if you look for them. Your profile says that you're 20 - are you currently attending school or working? If so, how have you been able to make any connections with folks in those communities? Are there any extra-curricular activities or organizations on your campus or in your workplace? What kinds of interests do you have outside of school or work (or in general), and what kinds of opportunities are there for you to connect with other people who share them?