Great Relationship- can’t orgasm (female)

[Bananapants]

Hey there,

I’m a 20 year old heterosexual female and I’ve been in a relationship with a man (also heterosexual) for over a year. We both love each other very much and always want to be around each other. To be frank, we’ve had a lot of sex. I would say we have a “diverse” sex life- sometimes quickies, sometimes long planned romantic evenings together just having sex. Generally speaking, there’s a good amount of foreplay beforehand and we are both generous to each other- we are comfortable around each other and openly communicate during sex.

Unfortunately, I have been unable to have an orgasm during sex even once (okay, one time via mutual masturbation).
We both know that learning our bodies together takes time and effort, so we both had hope it would happen eventually after practice and trust building. But we’re over a year in, and it still hasn’t happened. I’m starting to get frustrated because I’d really like to have an orgasm when we’re having sex.

I can have an orgasm relatively easily on my own, but even when I masturbate while we’re having sex- it feels like my clitoris completely loses all sensitivity and vaginal intercourse is only pleasurable to an extent.

Oral sex is completely not pleasurable to me which leads me to believe I can’t cum if my clitoris is moist- but I literally can’t have internal sex without some lubrication which always ends up smearing all over my vulva- making pleasurable masturbation impossible.

I’m just starting to lose hope that I’ll ever be able to do it, I kind of feel broken. I’ve even tried masturbating until almost orgasming and then having him enter me but that doesn’t even seem to work. I don’t want the only orgasms I have to be when I’m alone, especially when there’s so much else that I love about sex with my partner- I want to share this too.

[Jacob]

Hi Bananapants! (great name)

Please don't get down on yourself!

I think being happy in a relationship and having good communication all helps us to have more rewarding and pleasurable sex. But that pleasure doesn't always make an organsm happen by default... And it doesn't make an orgasm the test of a relationship... Sometimes our bodies can be picky and just say "nope that's not how I orgasm".

It sounds like you have been able to orgasm on your own though. Would it be possible to do some of what you do on your own together?