Getting back together with an ex...

[herbacin_]

I was with my ex-boyfriend for four and a half years. Last year, he went out to a party where he stayed out much later than usual. I knew where he was because we had been texting all night. He told me that instead of walking, a woman at the party was going to drive him home.

I was with a friend at the time, and worried sick for some reason. I had an intuition that something was going to happen.

The next day, I came over, and he told me that the woman kissed him when she dropped him off. He told me that he let it happen, but got out of the car and when he got inside his house, he texted her right away and said it was wrong. She said it was fine and that she didn't take it seriously. I did, however, and broke up with him. He said he was ashamed of what happened and thought that since he told me right away we would be able to make it work. He told me that he had built up so much fear around talking to me about how he was feeling and his problems. He was afraid that I wouldn't respond favourably to his struggles.

Well, we have still be in contact over the past year, and he has not moved on. He still wants to be with me. He says that he understands now that it's worth it to talk about everything, even though it might be uncomfortable or challenging.

I have been through a lot of things over the past few years. And I think that has kept me connected to the one person who knows me best. I am not sure if I should give it a second chance, or cut things off completely. I need some advice.

[Mo]

Whether to get back together with a former partner or not can be a tough decision to make. I think a helpful thing to do, right now, is ask yourself a bunch of questions.

How do you feel now about the issue that caused you to end the relationship; does it feel resolved to you? Are there other issues or places of conflict from that past relationship that you'd need to resolve in order to feel good about starting things back up with him? Does it feel exciting to think about being in a relationship again?

If you do decide to try things again, it's ok to ease back into it. Go on a couple dates and see how things feel - you don't need to try to replicate what it felt like to be in a four-year-old relationship right away.