i'm a female & i'm (sexually) attracted to gay guys

[baekhyunah]

hi! i'm 17 and i'm a girl who gets turned on (and get off) to gay porn, reaaallyy gets sexually aroused and attracted to small gay males like the softest ones (aka the twinks). i sometimes wished that i'd be born as a male to know how it feels like to have sex with gay men and to actually have a relationship with them. i don't know if this is some kind of a weird fetish or what? because before i thought i was bi because i was sexually attracted to females as well as the males. but now, i really don't know what kind of sexuality i do have.

[Sam W]

Hi baekhyunah, thanks for making a new thread

There are plenty of women, of various sexual orientations, who find they enjoy gay porn. So there's nothing inherently off about that. Can you tell me a bit more about why you feel you're attracted specifically to gay men? For instance, it sounds like you're attracted to a certain type of look, one that you see in gay porn. But that appearance isn't limited to gay men, just like certain appearances aren't limited to straight men. So would you/do you find those same traits attractive in straight men (or men who you don't know the identity of)? Can I also ask how you think sex with gay men would be different than sex with straight men?

[baekhyunah]

i don't know how to explain this but when i'm on my staight side(idk if this make sense but) i want and i feel an instant attraction to a man who is slightly older than me, has a firm built and can dominate me. but when i see a gay guy on the internet and or my school where they look so small, soft body & face features and cute? i suddenly wanted to be a dom and dominate them. like an instant attraction too. and when i am on that side, i want (if ever i'm a guy(how i wish)) my boyfriend to be younger than me.

i really don't know. it's kind of a mood for me. sometimes i'd orgasm to thoughts of an older straight man dominating me, the next day i would be so damn horny if i saw a girl's thigh and would get off with the thoughts of having lesbian sex, then the next day or week or month, i'll be wet imagining that i am the one who is having sex with the bottom that i am watching from pornhub.

lmao

[Sam W]

So, it sounds like there are a few different things going on here. For starters, it may be that you simply find a lot of different looks or gender presentations attractive and that what makes you aroused on any given day can change. That's pretty common for folks who experience sexual attraction, since what makes us aroused one day may not have the same effect on a different day. It also sounds like you may be assuming that wanting to be in a "submissive" role makes someone feminine and a "dominant" one makes someone masculine. But the reality is much more complex than that; there are butch men who prefer a more submissive role, and hyper-feminine women who prefer a dominant one, and everything in-between (and plenty of relationships where the idea of one person being dominant and the other submissive just simply doesn't apply). Does that make sense?

When you say you wish you were a guy, is that a feeling that comes up often? Or only when you see certain types of men in porn?

[baekhyunah]

i understand what you were saying since i saw it in porns wherein stronger gay men often bottoms too. but i was just kind of attracted with the bottoms that are twinks(?) if that makes sense.

the feeling of wanting to be a guy often happens when i'm watching porn or seeing cute gays on my surroundings.

i don't know. this is embarrassing. is this just some weird fetish? am i feminizing(?) and fetishizing certain gay people so much?

[Sam W]

Got it, so it does sound like a big part of this simply has to do with a certain type of guy (but not the only type of guy) you find attractive.

When you want to be a guy in those moments, what is it, specifically, that you want? Is it to be able to engage in certain things sexually? To have a certain role in a sexual dynamic? Something else? And when you say this happens when you see cute gay guys in your surroundings, are those guys who you know are gay, or who look a certain way?

With fetishizing or objectifying people, that depends on whether you see these guys as individual, unique humans or more as a blank slate that you can project your desires onto. It's also sound to think about what's attracting you to them and how much of it might be based on stereotypes about that specific group (it might be the case that none of it is) rather than the realities of that individual person.

[baekhyunah]

in those moments when i wanted to be a guy, it's more of wanting to engage with something sexual with them. if i see a guy who is small and soft looking? more often than not, i'm immediately crushing on them but when i found out that they were gay, it's like i am 100% more attracted to them.

[Sam W]

Got it. Can I ask why it feels to you like you'd need to be a guy in order to be sexual with guys who look this way?

I do think it's important to spend some time thinking about why you find gay men so attractive. Depending on what your answers to that are, it may be that you do have some unlearning to do around the assumptions you make about gay men.