Sexuality

[camilrrr]

Hi Scarleteen, I am a 16 year old female who identifies as straight. I have been what I consider to be sexually active (although not intercourse) and I have previously dated people. It has been two years since my last sexual activity.
I have a gay friend (female) who is seventeen and she and three of our other friends got together for a movie night. She and I were sitting on the couch with our limbs touching at one point and I started to think about kissing her. And I just wanted to touch her. I started to become even more aroused at the thought of us engaging in sexual activity, which confused me because I've never felt this way towards her before (let alone another girl). I am wondering if this could be because of the physical contact (slight cuddling), how close we are in friendship, or if I'm starting to feel attracted to her romantically, or maybe even just the fact that he is gay and would most likely enjoy the fantasy I've created (turning someone else on turns me on).
Thank you,
Confused

[Jacob]

Hi camilrrr,

It sounds to me like it could be all of those things. Often a sexual orientation is about just describing the attractions you do have, rather than defining where that attraction comes from. So from what you've said here, this sounds like an example of when you have experienced same sex sexual attraction... so if we were being strict we might say you weren't 100% heterosexual. But, identity is more optional than that, and how you identify really is a choice... it sounds to me like you're pretty happy with the word 'straight' so I wouldn't say there's any conflict between that and what you felt with your friend.

You might feel any of those things change over time, and find that you don't want to identify as straight any more. But importantly it's all up to you and you do get to change your mind as you get to know yourself more. I hope that helps!

[camilrrr]

I think I see what you're saying, and I agree. I'll try to see sexuality as more of a spectrum rather than a binary (although it seems like most people view sexuality as either being "straight or not"). Thank you for your help!

[Jacob]

Any time!