I tried almost everything but I still have pain during sex

[sammy]

Hi I'm new here and I have some questions. I've been dating with my boyfriend for more than 4 years but we never had satisfying sex-because of my pain. My vaginal opening sores everytime I have sex, from the very begining of the intercourse-sometime accompanied with burning sensation- and when the pain becomes unbearable whithin few minutes we just stop. After he pulls out I feel intense pain and sometimes it sores mildly till day after. We do enough kissing and caressing(more than 40 minutes, trying not to irritate my vaginal opening or vagina) before sex. I even use lube, changed lube to different brand's, even changed condom brand but still pain is there. I googled for reasons-they say anxiety, infection, hormone could be the reason, but I don't feel anxious, me and my bf doesn't have any sexual disease or suffered, and I never took hormone pill or treatment in my life. I don't have any chronic genital pain, I only suffer while doing sexual intercourse. Maybe I get tensed without acknowledging it? Or bc his penis is just too big for me? I'm actually considering applying anasthetic substance (used in preamature ejaculation prevention condoms) or like get drunk and have sex. My bf doesn't like both of my considerantions he shows -what the hell I'd rather live without sex, you are not my sex toy- kind of reaction. So my question is what can I do to prevent vagianl opening pain while sex??

[Sam W]

Hi Sammy,

Ouch, that sounds like a really unpleasant situation! Have you ever spoken to a healthcare provider about this issue? If not, that would be a sound next step, since they may be able to help you get to the bottom of what's going on.

[Jade1414]

Hey Sammy!

I'm no sex expert but one of my close friends has the same issue. She tells me that even after losing her V-card that having sex with her boyfriend hurts. We have called about if she is wet enough or maybe he is just to big for her and I can see you have already considered those facts as well. I would maybe try a little more foreplay and possibly different positions to get you more wet, that maybe the problem and lube just isn't working. If your not comfortable trying other positions maybe talk to a healthcare provider like this other girl said.

[sammy]

well...okay thanks!!

[Heather]

I'm actually considering applying anasthetic substance (used in preamature ejaculation prevention condoms) or like get drunk and have sex.

I just noticed no one addressed this, so I wanted to make sure someone did. These are both just totally bad ideas. Getting drunk with sex not only impacts your ability to give and do consenting well, but alcohol also gets in the way of things like being aroused enough for sex to feel good in the first place. The chance of you injuring yourself is also higher if you're drunk or using something topical that numbs pain.

I do think that if you have never seen a sexual healthcare provider, it's first of all waaaaaaay late on that. You seem to be saying you've been sexually active for at least four years: ideally, you should have started sexual healthcare within that first year. So, if you haven't, you need to do that anyway so you can get started with pap smears (cancer screenings) and also your STI testing (something your boyfriend should be doing, too). When you do all that, you can also ask about this. It may be you have had something like an infection that's causing this problem, in which case, treatment could fix things right up AND keep you from getting really sick from having something untreated for a long time. Just so you know, if someone hasn't actually been tested for infections, they can't know they don't have them. Testing is the way we find that out.

I'd fill a sexual healthcare provider in on this with all the details you have here, and see what they say. In the event they feel like trying something to reduce your pain is the way to go, btw, what they will more likely suggest is doing something like taking an oral analgesic (like ibuprofen or naproxen), not booze or something topical.

Do you know where to get that kind of healthcare?

[sammy]

okay thanks for detailed reply
my bf and I never had sexual activity before dating each other and had no visible genital problem so we never considered about that. But we do get that problem could exist-even though it is a small probability.
I will go to gynecologist later in my free time-till then I'm busy anyway so I won't be doing any sexual activity. Also my period terms are not on regular basis so I should see a doctor. Telling my mom that I have to go to gynecologist isn't comfortable but I do feel that I should see doc so I'll tell my mom and go

[Heather]

You're welcome. Can I help you with anything else?