Intense Sexual Shame

[Amicus123]

Raised by devout judgemental Catholics, I developed a intense shame towards all thing sexual. Even though I would be fine during some sexual experiences (sex) I would be overwhelmed by shame and guilt after. And with masturbation I have tried my best to block out porn and things that would want me to masturbate via website blockers but I always find a way to break my will power and find myself back on the same websites I wanted to avoid. The shame associated with masturbation is the most strongest as I deal with anxiety before during and after. I feel guilty for masturbating and now I try to resist my urges, but in the end all it does is make me more stressed. I have tried to masturbate without porn as well but I just can't do it and i end up looking at it in the end. What are effective ways to overcome sexual guilt and shame and how can I try to successfully eradicate porn from life and try to establish healthy masturbation tactics.

[Jacob]

Hi Amicus!

I think I can relate to lots of these feelings at various points in my life. I think an important step is to just be accepting of where you are now. Mixing shame and pleasure is an old cocktail but not the most helpful.

It isn't very realistic to decide to no longer want to look at things you enjoy looking at or to not want to masturbate when you want to masturbate.

I'm sure you can avoid doing both, but I guess when the times comes you, like most people who are preventing themselves doing things with shame, still want to do the thing!

I would say maybe it's better to not use website blockers, as porn sites are generally places you go to deliberately - rarely is it an accidental click. Then maybe it's a matter of acknowledging that you are making decisions and that despite the shame masturbation is something you, like most people, you are into.

Do you think re-framing it could help?