About abuse

[Pan]

Hi Scarlett,
I read so many articles regarding to abuse.... I am male..just confuse about abuse. If boy and girl in their young age..very inexperience ..very exciting about sex..but most of girls do not start this kind of sexy chat for sex..so mostly always boys have to start for this kind of stuff... suppose boy and girl do sex without consent...but during sex both (boy and girl) are enjoying sex at that time...and girl also enjoy sex at that time ..she is very happy with that..than still it count as abuse?
In some abuse stories i read so many cases..in that cases ..both boys and girls like sex..doing sex for pleasure without consent....in this kind of case you always blame to boys for abuse(sorry if you hurt!!!)
I am talking in general .. without consent but after starting sex like kissing.. playing with breast..than fingering than sex after making her wet...in this kind of sex both enjoy sex than still it count as abuse?..you can give me advice...and define specific definition for abuse...my point is yes it necessary to do consent..but there are some instance in that both do sex without consent... than still it count as abuse??
Thanks

[Heather]

Hey, Pan.

There's a lot you're saying here that just isn't universally true the way you think it is, like that most girls don't initiate talk about sex or sex (and most guys do), like that we (or anyone else), always "blame" boys for abuse regardless of who has been doing the abusing. But I'm also not sure I'm totally getting you when it comes to our language barrier.

We can absolutely give you basic information about abuse, including definitions. You'll find a great and clear primer to that right on the website here: Blinders Off: Getting a Good Look at Abuse and Assault.

Here's another primer on consent, which it sounds like you're also asking about: Driver's Ed for the Sexual Superhighway: Navigating Consent.