Sexual assault

[Sara1234]

Hi all,
I was in a relationship with a man for almost 3 years. In the course of the relationship we were intimate but never had penetrative sex.
We broke up 5 months back for good. I started seeing someone else. My ex was recently diagnosed with Bipolar disorder.
He is a very clingy type. As soon as he came to know that I am seeing someone else, he started threatening me. He has a history of harming himself.
He told me that he had penetrative sex without condom with me when I was asleep, during our relationship and he hid it from me because I was anxious about it. I think that is not possible because firstly I don't remember anything like that and secondly I haven't had penetrative sex before and I would have known it.
He told I was half asleep while doing that, now I am feeling very anxious everyday. He very well knows about my anxiety towards these things. What do I do now? Are there any ways to check if what he is saying is true? He may also be lying to mess up with me. But I dont know for sure. I trusted him but now I am very depressed when I get up everyday and this thought comes to my mind. I am feeling used and guilty. What to do?

[Sam W]

Hi Sara1234,

Before I touch on everything else going on here, since you mention he started threatening you I want to check: is he still threatening you? And have you told anyone about what he's doing?

Having your ex behave that way and claim to have done something to you that he knows you have anxiety about sounds incredibly stressful and difficult. Unfortunately, there isn't a way for us to know for certain whether or not he's lying. From how you're describing his behavior right now, I agree with you that this could very well be him lying to hurt you or get a reaction out of you. Either way, it's understandable that this is bringing up some seriously rough feelings for you. Are you still seeing a counselor? And is so, have you spoken with them about this situation?

[Sara1234]

I haven't seen a counselor since last month.
I have told his family members regarding his threats. They were very supportive of me and made sure he isn't disturbing me anymore. But the things that he told me is very disturbing and I don't know what to do about it.

[Sam W]

Okay, so one step in taking care of yourself would be to check in with the counselor soon and explain what's going on. They may be able to help you manage that anxiety, as well as figure out ways to cope with the fact that your ex may be deliberately messing with your head. Do you think you can arrange for that appointment to happen soon?

I'm glad your family is supportive and helping you keep clear of him. Is he still contacting you, or have you blocked him on the places where he'd be able to reach you?

[Sara1234]

I can arrange for counseling. Should I see a gynaecologist too? He isn't contacting me anymore. Should I ask him to take an STD test?

[Sam W]

If you're concerned, I would suggest getting tested for STIs yourself, rather than contacting him to request he get tested. That way you can maintain the no-contact boundary with him as well as check up on your health.