Masturbation

[Anonym111]

I'm just a little confused, because I know that every vagina is different but I still want to understand why I'm struggling with certain things. Things that involve anything being inserted are not pleasurable at all to me, no matter what it is. I've tried using lube in case that was what was making it uncomfortable, but it changed nothing. It still was uncomfortable and unpleasurable. I've tried lots and lots of things to make it more enjoyable and nothing has worked. It just confuses me because I hear other people talk about things like fingering like it's the best feeling in the world, but it really isn't. Why is this? And is there anything I can do?

[Jacob]

Hi Anom!

I don't think you are describing anything out of the ordinary! Most people don't tend to get that much of a kick from just inserting stuff without any other stimulation. There tends to have to be some sort of clitoral activity for it to get physically pleasurable. This can include the external parts of the clit, i.e. the glans and hood area, or internal parts which can be specifically stimulated from within the first third or so of the vagina (not just as a result of going in, but in addition to).

There's a great illustration of the whole clitoris here: With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body

The other side of it is the big role that emotions play in sexuality. Sometimes with insertion activities we realise "Oh my gosh! Someone's actual body parts are totally inside the actual body of me, right now!"... whether that is a turn-on or not will be individual, but it's certainly an extra factor with partnered sex. In those cases where it is a turn-on it's also pretty common that folks will still enjoy it more if there is clitoral stimulation too. It also is fine to never really be into it. As you say above, it's subjective!

We don't have a responsibility to find anything enjoyable which just isn't enjoyable for us, and a good partner is one who wants to meet us where we are.

There also might be some confusion about what 'fingering' is... I think some people also use that term for when the external clitoris is being stimulated.

Does that information help a little?

(This advice answer about clitoral stimulatoin might be helpful too)