Friends with Benefits?

[glensa1]

There’s a guy that I had met on Tinder that is interested in a fwb. He just got out of a relationship recently, and he’s giving himself some time to process his emotions, but still wants to have sex. I’m interested in him, and I find him attractive, but I’m afraid that I’m going to eventually fall for him. He’s a cool guy, we like the same type of music, we both like skateboarding, etc. There’s obviously some chemistry here. But he just got out of a relationship and is probably not interested in that. I want to nip this in the bud early, what should I do?

[Heather]

Nip what in the bud?

Ultimately, if you don't feel like FWB is the right framework for you, I'd suggest that's not something you agree to. Just because you are into this guy and that's what *he* wants doesn't mean that's what you have to do or agree to. You can always also take a pass, have a chat with him about all your options, including what YOU really want, and then see where you stand, or take a pass for now, let him know FWB probably isn't right for you and to give you a shout if and when he's ever into something else.

[glensa1]

Nip having feelings in the bud. Fwb is something I want to try out, because I’m interested in being friends with him, but I’m open to something developing. I still don’t know him that well, so idk if he’s someone I’d want to be in a relationship or not.

[Mo]

There really isn't a way to prevent yourself from developing feelings for someone. And I'd say, too, that you don't want to eliminate feelings from the picture altogether; after all, friends can have pretty intense feelings for each other! One thing that can trip people up in a fwb situation, I think, is that this setup can mean different things for different people. One person might think of a fwb setup as "we meet up sometimes for sex, are surface-level friendly, but don't do much else or hang out often in a nonsexual context" and another person might see it as "we're close friends, we hang out a lot and feel close, have sex, but aren't choosing to enmesh our personal lives in a way we might with a romantic partner," and of course those aren't the only two options. You can probably imagine how someone with the first set of expectations and someone with the second might have some conflict in their future if they think the other person has the same view of fwb that they do!

So, it might help to talk to him about what he's looking for, more specifically. If you worry that you'll get too invested emotionally and will get upset later, or if what he describes doesn't sound quite like what you're comfortable with/interested in right now, then this might not be the right partner for you right now. First, though, I think checking in a little more about what his expectations are, and maybe spending some time together just to see if you click as friends in the first place, will be a good idea.