Panicking when I'm Turned On

[BuddyBoi21]

Okay so I touched on this in another post I made.
I'm 9 months on T, I had top surgery and I have prosthetic that works for me in sexual situations.

The problem (aside from not knowing how to directly ask if someone I'm interested in wants to have sex) is that I sort of flipped out on myself internally the last time I got turned on.

Because of how often I had masturbated since I don't have a consistent sexual partner I found my arousal was few and far in between.

But I stopped masturbating so often and stopped entirely for a few days.
I went out to a movie on Sunday with this person I think is really cute. We kiss and cuddled a lot in general.

Once we had to leave the kissing was very intense to the point where I got hard. I was screaming inside because it's been a long time since I've had anything like that happen and to an extent I just couldn't believe I got hard????

I felt a bit awkward and didn't say anything since my genitals don't expose me like cis guys.

I went home and pretty much confirmed it when I went to the bathroom and tried to ignore it until it went away.

I still feel like some of this goes back to my struggles with sexual shame but I'm also afraid girls and femme people specifically with be grossed out if they knew I got hard from kissing them.

Any advice anyone wants to offer on how to cope with this awkwardness/mini-panics if I get turned on by people I'm hanging out with?

[Sam W]

Hi Buddyboi,

So, while there are going to be some people who get grossed out by a partner being turned on by kissing, by and large most of them understand that sometimes it happens (and some may even like that it did/does). I think you're right that your feelings around this are likely tied to those bigger struggles with sexual shame that you've been dealing with. In the moment when it happens, what if you tried acknowledging to yourself "okay, my body is having a totally okay reaction" and then doing your best not to focus on it (assuming the things like kissing don't then lead to other sexual behaviors with a partner)?

[BuddyBoi21]

Hi Sam,

That sounds like a great start to helping myself recognize how to interact with my sexual responses in a healthier way. Thank you!