How to conceive someone that they should take a pregnancy test

[DArwin]

My ex won't take a pregnancy test how can I convince her to take one?

[Heather]

You can't, and I also can't think of a reason why you should try to do that. It should be up to every person who could themselves be pregnant or not if and when they take a pregnancy test and only them.

Do you want to talk about why you are trying to make her do this when she doesn't want to?

[DArwin]

sure it might be helpful

[Heather]

Okay, why don't you fill us in?

[DArwin]

I want her to take one because we had sex before we broke up( about a month ago maybe a little longer. probably back in June). We had to use the plan B pill because I did something that was risky and she hasn't gotten her period since. I just want to know if she is pregnant or not, which is why I want her to take a pregnancy test.

[Heather]

Okay.

So, here's the thing: once you, as the person in this who can't/couldn't yourself get pregnant, choose to take any kind of risk of pregnancy with someone who can, that's where what you get to choose about this primarily ends. If that's not a thing you're cool with, then the right choice for you (or anyone else who feels that way) is not to take those risks until or unless you ARE cool with that.

I'm not sure why your ex is still talking to you about her periods: is that something she's bringing to you or that you're asking her about? I can see some situations in which it would be fair, I think, to ask her to take one (but then respect it's her choice), but I don't know the context of this one.

[DArwin]

I understand that now thank you. I ask about it because I want to know I don't know what else to do.

[Heather]

Well, there isn't anything for you TO do (again, though, I feel like I'm missing context here without knowing who initiated talking about her periods now that you're broken up). Now it's something that's about her body and her choices with it.

Are you asking about what to do with your own worries around this?

[DArwin]

I asked her about her period

[DArwin]

I guess I do want to know how to address my worries

[DArwin]

I guess i also want to know how plan B can change someone's cycle?

[Heather]

Okay. So, since you broke up, really, I don't think you should be asking her about things like her periods anymore. It'd have been one thing if she had brought that information to you, but she didn't. I'd say an ex asking after your periods is pretty invasive, you know? It'd be a little like if she was asking you about your masturbation habits.

Plan B and other emergency contraception can throw off someone's cycles in a few ways, sometimes for as long as months, because it's a hormonal medication that disrupts the hormonal things that would be happening otherwise. Menstrual/fertility cycles are sensitive to big changes like that.

It sounds like you don't feel good about whatever risks you took and what that might mean. I'm afraid that's one of those things where for the most part, you're just going to have to figure you make different choices moving forward, and do the best you can to try and let your concerns about this go. In the event she did become pregnant and she chooses to tell you about that, then there might be something for you to do (or not). If she became pregnant and, when she finds out, she doesn't tell you about it, she gets to do that, save in the event she chose to do an adoption or if she chose to seek child support, etc. In those cases, you'll likely be informed within a few months. She also gets to not tell you if she didn't become pregnant.

Whatever you do for yourself when you're stressed about other things are probably the best ways to tackle this kind of stress.

[DArwin]

ok thank you

[DArwin]

so Plan B can stop someone's cycle for months?

[Heather]

It's not that it stops it so much as that the different hormonal situation it creates confuses, for lack of a better word, what would otherwise happen hormonally. One of the common side effects of that are periods not happening when or as expected for one or more cycles.

[DArwin]

ok Thank you very much for all your help I appreciate it

[Heather]

You're welcome.

If you want some help preparing for any sexual next times, so that you're not doing anything you don't feel comfortable with before, during or after, we're happy to help you with that, too.