I am a man, but I'm nervous and so is my partner

[DEMIPAN-demic]

I'm very new to this whole LGBT+ so please excuse me if I get anything wrong, there's still a lot I don't know but am very willing to learn!!

Ever since I was very little I always thought of myself as a boy, I'll spare all the details but ever since 1st grade I've felt this way. I never knew that it was an actual possibility to become one since I didn't have internet and lived in a somewhat rural town.

Now that I've met many friends who are LGBT+ in high school and college, I've decided that I want to take the next step to uncover my true self. I've always had a fear of surgery though, I know I don't want bottom surgery since I'm content with that part of myself, but I would very much like to get top surgery!! I am considering going on T, but I'm also afraid of needles (I am in a troubling predicament).

Since I live in a rural area I can't seem to find any FTM or Gender reassignment surgeons/doctors I can ask, so I figured to ask here.

I have a few questions (again I apologize if I'm uneducated):

- Is it possible to take Testosterone in pill form? if not what is the most effective way without needles?

- If I take Testosterone via Needles, where am I supposed to insert it? in a vein or just randomly?

- Is it possible to get top surgery without being on Testosterone?

- If I get top surgery what should I do afterwards? am I bedridden? How do I change bandages? etc.

- If I take Testosterone, how drastically will my appearence/facial structure change? will I look like a totally different person?

- I've heard if you get Keyhole incision and you remove bandages too soon there is a chance your nipples will fall off, is that true? I saw someone blog about this while researching but I don't know if they were being sarcastic. (I don't think it's true but I thought I'd ask)

But not only these questions, but I'm also in a relationship with another male. He's very shy and doesn't talk much, but I try to encourage him to talk to me on his own time and when he has questions. I slowly introduced him to the idea of me transitioning but every time I ask I get a 50/50 answer. Sometimes he is very supportive and says he loves me for who I am, and the next he doesn't want me to remove my breasts and he says it'll embarrass him in front of his friends. He's also very uncomfortable with touching my lower reagions and says it feel weird or the position is uncomfortable for his hand. What should I do?

[Amanda F]

Hi DEMIPAN-demic, welcome to the boards!

You have some great questions. I'm going to try and answer you this evening during the rest of my shift, but in case I can't finish an answer before I have to go, I wanted to point you to an awesome series of articles: Welcome to Trans Summer School! It's jam-packed with lots of articles that address many of your questions.

A couple of articles will be particularly helpful. Trans Summer School: The Magic of Hormones!

Trans Summer School: The Wide World of Surgical Transition

Trans Summer School: Dating While Trans, Yes You Can!

While I get back to you, take a look at these articles and the other ones in the Trans Summer School series!

In response to your question about your partner, it makes sense that someone who cares for us and is in an intimate relationship might have feelings about our gender. However, I want to make totally clear that you deserve 100% support when it comes to deciding who you are and what body feels right to you. Saying that you would embarrass him doesn't sound very supportive, unfortunately. I think you being out, proud, and confident about your gender identity sounds like the opposite of embarrassing! How do you feel about his reaction to you talking about transitioning? How would you like him to react?

He may not know how best to support you, so it's important for you to tell him that - how would you like him to support you? Can you tell me that here, or would you like to brainstorm together?

This article might also provide a starting place: My Boyfriend is Trans, but not out yet. How do I support him?