I've been bleeding after losing my virginity

[JustYilly]

Hello, so basically I lost my virginity two days ago and it wasn't painful it was a little bit uncomfortable but it was bearable. But I started bleeding A LOT and I got scared, I wore a pad that night so the next morning I checked and I only had a few drops but it's been two days now I'm still bleeding and starting to get worried because I'm also sore and have some cramps.
At first I though it was my period but it starts in 15 days and the bleeding is different from my typical pattern.

I'm actually really confused about different things right now, we used a condom and he didn't come, I was reading about precum and how it has a low possibility of pregnancy but I don't want to force my thoughts into that direction.

So I feel like we were protected but I'm still nervious and checking other options like the pill or patch for the next time, the problem is that I don't want to take it because I'm not sure about the hormonal disbalance that it causes, would it be okay to stick only with the condom?

The guy that I lost it is just a friend and we've done different things like oral and handjob but he has never come, and I don't know how to feel about it, I asked him but he said it was normal for him and he doesn't want to talk about it.

Lastly I don't know how to feel, I'm in my late 20s and he isnt my boyfriend, I always thought I'd lose my virginity for love.. but We've been dating casually so I tried and it was fun, he was really worried about me and I felt that he cared, but I feel like I'm starting to get attached when I shouldn't, he told me he doesn't want a serious relationship but he also told me that he has feelings and I'm really confused right now..

Having sex is kind of bothersome because there are a lot of factors involved

Sorry for my long post, I have a lot of things in mind but thanks beforehand.

[Heather]

Before I dig more deeply into the rest of this, can you give me an update on where your bleeding is at today? I just want to make sure that you don't need emergency healthcare of any kind.

How many pads are you going through right now? One an hour? less? More? Are the cramps you're having very painful, more so than usual with periods?

can you also tell me how you're figuring your period should start in 15 days? When was your last one, and how many days are your cycles (dfrom day one of a period to day one of the next), typically?

[JustYilly]

Hi, my bleeding has been decreasing each day, the first day I could see a lot of blood and I panicked, yesterday my pad had less blood (like a few spots) but I Still felt nervious, is the third day now, I only have a few drops and I don't feel that sore, only if I try to do more physical demanding activities like working out it starts to hurt but is more like an uncomfortable sensation, so I took a break from it. I feel like maybe it was a little to harsh for me? But I'm starting to heal.. I don't know haha is really confusing but I've been feeling better. For example, when I took a shower yesterday it hurt a little bit but today I didn't feel any kind of pain or uncomfortableness.

Usually my cycle is of 31-32 days, I have an app and I'm pretty regular, my last period was on January 24th so I feel that is too soon for the next one, that's why I discard that possibility. I get really bad cramps whenever it happens so the ones I felt weren't like my normal period cramps, after sex they were stronger but not as bad as my period cramps and yesterday (2days after) I only had a small sensation, today I haven't had cramps.

So I have another question, I know that I shouldn't bleed like this but is there a possibility that this happens again? Like if I have sex the next time am I going to go through this again?

Thank you so much for your response I was really worried yesterday, but when I found this forum I started reading other posts and felt a little bit better.

[Heather]

Okay, so sounds like for sure we don't have anything to worry about here at this point in terms of you needing healthcare for this. Phew! I'm also glad finding us made you feel better.

What you're describing isn't sounding unusual for me for someone who got an abrasion during sex, which is a really common thing, especially if and when people aren't doing all the things that protect against that, like only having that kind of sex when you are very turned on, like using plenty of extra lube, and like not continuing to do anything sexual that hurts, but instead stopping and only continuing in a way that doesn't hurt. We can troubleshoot that some more if you like so that it's more likely in the future that not only can you avoid hurting yourself and bleeding better, but that it also will be more likely to be something you actually enjoy.

What might have happened here is that the bleeding was due to abrasion and the cramps were due to not having an orgasm, something that can happen to people with any kind of body parts, not just people with testes.

Hormonal methods of contraception don't cause "hormonal imbalances," so I'm not quite sure I understand what you mean by that. By all means, you don't have to use those methods of contraception if you don't want to, and condoms, used alone (though with extra lube!), absolutely can be a highly effective method of contraception when used consistently and correctly, too, if that's what you'd prefer. That's something els we can talk more about if you'd like.

Do you want to talk about the interpersonal context of the sex you had and, if I have this right, might want to choose to have with this person again? I don't think there's anything wrong with sexual relationships that aren't also about romantic or other kinds of love, but if that's not actually what you want or feel okay about, then it's probably a good idea to talk about that some here (or somewhere else you feel supported) and then potentially with this person you've been dating. Do you want to talk more about this, too?

[JustYilly]

Thank you so so so much, I felt lost with everything, for me this is something new and I was so stressed and anxious.. definitely didn't enjoy the experience as a whole, I've always avoided talking about sex because my family is very strict and see sex as something sinful and shameful, but I'm trying to shake that idea off.

I've decided that I won't have any kind of intimacy with this guy, this last few days I have felt really nervious, anxious, stressed and sad because all of it, I think I wasn't prepare for sex, I mean I don't regret it or feel (that) bad about it, is just something that I didn't enjoy as much as I think we could maybe because we rushed things, he mention that he was nervious at the moment as well, so I'll speak with him, if we're going to have intimacy in the future I think that I really need someone that can support me in situations like this, I though that I trusted him but this is just something else, definitly wasn't prepared for this haha

But really I don't have words to express how grateful I am for your response and advices, I'll definitely going to be more careful with lube and with my own arousal I guess, is really silly but those are things that I never considered, like I gave for granted that I was going to bleed in the first time but in my mind it was just a few drops haha it makes sense that if I wasn't aware of other problems something like this would happen. But really, thank you so much for your guidance.

[Sam W]

Hi JustYilly,

I'm so glad talking here has been helpful! And deciding to talk to your partner and holding off on further sexual stuff until you feel more prepared sounds like a really solid plan! If you haven't seen it already, this article might be really helpful to have during that conversation and as you're making choices around sex further down the line: Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist.