I Can't Find My Vagina

[Firefly]

/// please don't reply to this if you are a man, I'm sure you are a nice person but it would make me uncomfortable lol ////

Context, for the Longest time I've had a phobia of touching anywhere down there in general, but after a Cyst forced me to touch my labia, and after I lowkey discovered masturbating and had the realisation that sex isn't just for men to enjoy I decided that this year I would do the impossible and try to Touch My Vagina.

Yesterday I felt R e a d y and decided the first thing to do was look at it. Now I'm giving myself kudos for even staring at that area in the first place because I remember doing it 3 years ago and sobbing, so it was nice to look and not be freaked out.

But if I wasn't getting periods I would be Sure I didn't have one because I've looked at every diagram, and stared down there for some time and nothing

So Basically you've got the typical () bit

And i used to always think it was in the middle of the ()

And there is something at the Top of the () that looks like the opening to Something but I'm sure that's not it, but it's too big to be the Uretha, it's like two Red Lines that look like an upside down 'v' (maybe it's another part to the labia, mine looks Nothing like the diagrams rip)

Then today my period started and I thought that might point me in the right direction and it kinda did like I sat in the shower and saw a little bit of blood and was like !!!

But it didn't look like anything other than the bottom of () I couldn't see a hole or anything, and now I'm kind of worried, how am I supposed to touch it if I can't find it, or even see it. Also how can a finger fit in there if it looks like less than a centimetre wide () - > literally the bottom of this


PS I know you must have been asked this question before but I've looked at your diagrams and while they are helpful mine does not look like them at all so they just make it harder to locate / find my own vagina

[Sam W]

Hi Firefly,

First off, hooray for feeling more comfortable and able to explore your body!

When it comes to finding the vaginal opening, it is lower down than a lot of people assume. Even if your genitals don't look a lot like the diagrams, the order of parts is going to be the same: you have the clitoris at the top, the urethra below that, and then the vaginal opening below that.

The vaginal opening isn't all that big when it's just sort of hanging out. What it can do is stretch, since the vaginal canal is make up of very elastic tissue (that's how newborns are able to pass through it during birth). Sometimes, it's easier to find with touch then with sight, because you can feel where the opening is.When people are first exploring their vulva and vaginal canal, we encourage them to have some lube nearby, because that's going to make inserting a finger into the vaginal canal way easier

Does any of that help?

[Firefly]

That helps a bit! Sorry I thought I replied already!

I have searched a bit for it right and I've been trying to do it once a week to just Normalise it BUT every time i look I find something different

1) Once I put my finger down into something but it stopped quite suddenly so idk if that was the vagina or not
2) Once I think I actually DID find my vagina because my finger went quite far back into it but the next time I looked it had gone again
3) Yesterday I tried again and this time I put my finger into something else and again it sort of Stopped but it was a different way of stopping it than in the first one

So either on one of my Many attempts I have found my vagina and then just proceeded to misplace it OR my vagina is like the room of requirement in harry potter and just kind of randomly dissappears / appears (womb of requirement lol)

Anyway please help I keep getting super frustrated with myself like it shouldn't be That hard to find and I never know for sure when I've found it or not! Also if I feel something stopping my finger should I keep pushing or just leave it?

Like I have Very Small Hands and sometimes I'll find a Potential Vagina and try to put a finger in but maybe just the first part of my Small Finger will go in and then there will be a wall there and I don't think it's far back enough to be my Cervix but I also have No Idea if my finger was in my Actual Vagina or something Else

And mirrors don't work because I still can't see anything

[Heather]

WOMB OF REQUIREMENT. Amazing. I can't. (Also, that actually is pretty accurate! I'll say more later.)

Firefly, I think I can help with this, but I need to grab a meeting first this morning. If you come back while I'm gone, can you answer a couple quick questions for me?

1) Have you tried using a mirror WITH your finger, so when you move your finger around and move into what you think is your vaginal opening, you can take a look at it with a mirror? If so, can you try and describe what you see to me?
2) When you are trying to slide your finger inside, can you do that sitting on something (like the edge of your bed, maybe) and do so imagining your head is 12:00 on a clock, and then keeping your finger pointing to about 1:00 or 2:00 and see what happens that way for you?

[Firefly]

Glad you enjoyed the pun lol

Okay I tried those things but it didn’t work and I got kinda stressed and upser so I stopped

With the first one, all I could see was the labia and stuff like () that and I had like two torches cause it’s so dark but I continued only being able to see a () and nothing else even when I pulled everything back (the only difference is it looked gooeyer on the inside ah! Although that’s the first time I’ve tried with a mirror And a finger so maybe that’ll change with practise - when I tried it then I hit a wall again kind of and I could only touch it when I wasn’t looking for it in the mirroR

With the second one I struggled too cause I found it so hard to feel for my vagina while sitting - almost as if I was sitting on it? But I have no idea how bodily anatomy works lol

I felt Something when I tried to put a finger in but it didn’t work fully either - I’m not sure if I was just scared / putting too much pressure on myself and I might try again later

(Also when I say put a finger in it Feels like I am def doing something but in the mirror it doesn’t look like I’m doing anything lol)

[Heather]

I'm sorry that that upset you. I completely understand why you're feeling so frustrated.

If it makes you feel any better, I do think that this might have resulted in some useful information.

I have a feeling -- I can't say for sure, alas, but a lot of what you have posted so far seems to support it -- that you might just be someone whose hymen hasn't worn away as much as it more often does for people by now or that has a formation (there are so many different ways they wear away) that allows for some menstrual flow and other fluids to get through, but doesn't have any one opening big enough for your finger to slide through that tissue yet. I am thinking that might be what feels like a wall for you.

If that's the case, then you have a couple options: 1) you can just let that be and know it'll still probably gradually wear away over a lifetime as it most often does for people, and that if and when you engage in any kind of sexual activity that involves the vagina in any way -- that can be fingers or other body parts, toys, etc. -- that will probably speed up that process, and/or b) once we're all done sheltering in place and healthcare systems are working a bit more normally, you can go and see a sexual healthcare provider and let them take a look. In the event I'm right, they can offer you some options if you want to change this. You don't have to, again, but if you want to, there are some healthcare options for that.

Alternately, I think this may just be a matter of your expectations for what should happen not matching reality. It's not so easy to show some of these things in words, but when I said "womb of requirement" wasn't off, I meant it: by and large, when nothing is inside the vagina, it really IS mostly a closed orifice and can be difficult to see. That's really common. It's not super common for it to just look like an open crevice or hole so much as some folds (though even "folds" isn't the best description) of tissue both surrounding and covering that opening. In this case, that "wall" you are hitting is most likely just the back of the vaginal canal, because often when we try and put our own fingers in, a lot of angles we do that at have us pushing backwards against the vaginal canal rather than up and into it, because that canal isn't straight back from the opening in many ways we'll be sitting, but instead, kind of back and up at about a 30-40 degree angle.

How do you feel about all of that?