Hooking up

[Liltimmyt]

So I’m an 18 year old (girl) virgin. I’ve never even kissed a guy. But I’ve been using tinder and guys just want to hookup and I want experience, but do you think it’s a good idea to hang out with a guy for the first time at his place with him thinking you’re going to potentially hookup? I know hookups are supposed to be super casual but I’m an anxious person and totally inexperienced. I just am worried I won’t be able to turn him on or make him feel good. Let me know your thoughts! PS. I did tell the guy I’m thinking of seeing that I’m a virgin and he said we’d do whatever I’m comfortable with. He’s never casually hooked up but has had three sexual partners.

[Siân]

Hi Liltimmyt!

Welcome to the boards

I'm glad that you've felt able to be open with this person about feeling inexperienced, and that so far they've been cool with it. That said, it's NEVER a good idea to meet someone for the first time at their house - even if you are pretty sure you want to hook up with them. Always meet in a public place like a cafe or busy park first to make sure they are who they say they are and you both feel comfortable, before going somewhere more private.

That doesn't mean that casual hookups are bad! Some people find them fun and rewarding, others prefer a deeper emotional connection with the people they are being sexual with, and those are both okay. More on deciding if casual is the way for you here: Casual...Cool? Making Choices About Casual Sex

Have you thought about the kinds of things you might like to do with this person? Or what YOU hope to get out of it? You said in your question that you were worried about him feeling good, but kissing and sex are meant to feel good for EVERYONE involved - do you know what turns you on? What feels good in your body?

[Liltimmyt]

Yes it makes sense to meet in public first. I guess I just don’t know what expect for hooking up. Like do you think it’s good to start with a movie or talking or just start making out? Yes I’ve thought about what I want and I want experience and to feel good as well and to have fun.

[Sam W]

Hi Liltimmyt,

Honestly, that depends a lot on what you and the person you're hooking up with would find most comfortable and enjoyable. Some people find it easier to relax if there's some hanging out first, others prefer to get right to it.

Too, it's also up to both of you to talk about where the conversation about wants and boundaries fits into that timeline. You might want to keep this article handy for that conversation with them: Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist

[Liltimmyt]

How do you make hooking up not awkward though? Especially if I’ve never even kissed someone. There’s this guy that I’ve been talking to that’s so respectful and seems like he’d be so great to hookup with because he wouldn’t pressure me into anything, but I’m just afraid of making things awkward. He’s also only ever had sex with people he’s been in relationships with and never a casual hookup, so I’m not sure if he’d know exactly how to avoid the awkwardness either. Also since he’s so cute and seems so nice I feel this pressure for him to enjoy himself and to make him happy and I’m even a little afraid to have some feelings for him afterward.

[Mo]

I don't think it's possible to avoid awkwardness entirely when hooking up with someone, but it doesn't necessarily have to mean that every moment is awkward and cringeworthy. Sometimes you might be a little uncertain of what you want, or how exactly you want to be kissing or touching someone, but acknowledging it (even flat-out saying "oof, I feel a little awkward since this is so new to me!" can be good) with a little good humor and letting awkward moments pass by without having a HUGE embarrassed or apologetic response to them can go a long way.
Awkwardness happens all the time in sexual situations, since bodies can be messy and awkward sometimes, and it often takes a little bit of trial and error for people to figure out what feels and works best for both of them. This is especially true for first-time partners but it can happen even when folks have known each other and been sexual for a while.
So, I think trying to minimize and accept a little bit of awkwardness will actually make things less awkward, overall, than focusing on avoiding it entirely, if that makes sense.