When you say "them" are you talking about one specific person, or about all people? In terms of things with this person, I can absolutely see how you'd feel trapped. Again, this is really feeling like it's been very quickly escalating in terms of some unhealthy, not-okay stuff. Here's the ...

I can totally understand wanting to appease and please people, and for sure, it can make all the social things, no matter what kind of relationship, so much harder and more loaded. So, before I say more, I'm wondering what happens with something like the example you gave when you just say, "Yea...

So, sounds like there's been some building coercion in the mix, which I was picking up on from the start. Telling you that your relationship with them is their last chance at one way of interacting with people is coercive (on top of really freaking dramatic, let's be real, this person hasn't been th...

The beauty of relationship anarchy as a general model is that there aren't any rules or requirements, so you get to use whatever parts of it, or ways of thinking, feel like a fit for you and your relationships and leave anything that doesn't fit or work for you. I agree with you about breakups. Pers...

You pretty much just, in that second paragraph, led with a core part of relationship anarchy: you recognized that there isn't actually any predetermined or one thing that = girlfriend, that what that means is up to the person or people directly involved and basically, invented by and for each person...

Oh my goodness, please be gentler with yourself. The thing about dating is that it ultimately is all about feeling things out and seeing how we feel about them as we go, especially when we're young and so new to all of this. If you haven't been in relationship with this person before, or this kind, ...

I think these all sound like important thoughts and great questions. In general, can you shift a relationship in these ways? Absolutely. And if you two don't want to change this part, know you can also be just as committed to someone while making more space, and without doing things like making each...

You know, I hear you say pretty clearly from the star here that you feel like you might need a break. To me, that you feel you need it is the thing to lead with, more than your sense of what it will do in your relationship. You say you feel you need this for your mental health. To me, that's just a ...

You don't have to get married at all, ever, if that's not something you ever want. Just saying (and saying this as a 53-year-old person who has very intentionally never married. :) I'm not sure that what sounds like an inclination to obsession tells us anything about your sexual or romantic identity...

I would also suggest reading this piece afterward, especially since it says more about how orgasm -- and so much of sexual response -- it really about the brain and central nervous system, not our genitals, which act more like one of a number of possible conduits to the brain and central nervous sys...

Hey there, Rachel. Were you able to read the link that Sam shared in their response to you? It has a lot of answers to some of the questions you're asking here. I'm happy to help you some more today, but it'd be super helpful if you could read that first, just so that I don't have to effectively typ...

Hey there. Sorry you’re having this conundrum. We can’t change our sexual feelings by force of will. We also can’t often change what we do and don’t want. But what we CAN change, when all those things don’t line up between people, is the nature of our relationship. Sounds to me like you two don’t wa...

I get it. I'm often on a lot of meds myself, and in the decades I menstruated (done now, wahoo!), I had a lot of issues nothing could solve. Progestin-only pills are generally not associated with the kind of effects methods with estrogen are. My gut says that this is more likely a coincidence, that ...

You're welcome. I really hope you can find a solution for your pain soon. Please feel free to circle back if we can help more with this or anything else. <3

Poking in to say that I think you're overthinking this. The idea that we can have some sort of wholly lifelong patterns of sexual attraction that always are and stay very specifically the same is not realistic. In reality, people or things that turn us on tend to be at least a little unpredictable m...

Thanks for that info. So, this absolutely sounds like a medical issue to me, then. And it may or may not be about an infection, but since you seem to have experienced this before any contact with a partner, I'm guessing that probably is not the cause of the pain. It sounds instead like it might be s...

Sorry if I’m missing something obvious, but I’m not getting the answer to this question. So, when you’re doing those other kinds of sexual things before any intercourse for about a half hour or so, and include things to start “warming” your vagina up, like just exploring the opening with a gentle to...

Okay. So it really does sound like one possibility is that you aren't as turned on when it comes to your vaginal response as you may feel in your head. When you take plenty of time -- if you want a specific amount, let's say at least a half hour -- to get to intercourse or anything else with vaginal...

I understand being reluctant because of cultural barriers. I'm sorry that's something you have to live with. The thing is, unusual odors or discharges often aren't present when people have infections. In fact, most STIs, particularly, don't present obvious symptoms for most people who have them. And...

Hi there, mari. It can be a lot harder to talk about things like this when we don't actually know what the thing actually is. Sharing it would make it easier for us to do our best to help you. That said, morals are usually about actions, and there is no one right or wrong (and some belief systems do...

You know, it might be that the additional estrogen in your system is amping up some of the feelings it sounds like you might already be having otherwise. Or not. It's really hard to say, and just as likely this has nothing to do with the pill as that it does, I'd say. Most side effects of the pill a...

I'm sorry that you're feeling that way. Since you're not using condoms, are you both testing? It doesn't sound like it, and an infection is certainly one possible reason for this, and one where it's really important you don't wait around. Do you know where to seek out sexual healthcare? Can you also...

You can find out all about that by reading some of the static content on the site that explains what's needed for pregnancy to happen. This is an excellent place to start: Human Reproduction: A Seafarer's Guide . I also need to take a second for something administrative. Our user guidelines make cle...

Hi there, welcome to the boards. The most likely culprit, especially if you are talking about vaginal intercourse, is that you are not using any, or not using enough, lubricant. Are you using plenty of lubricant with sex? If not, this is likely to at least be part of the problem, if not the whole pr...

Seems like. I'll keep thinking on this, too. Sorry I couldn't be of more help!