pain

[iamfabulous]

hi, i am a 20 years old young lady and i experience really bad pain and sensation of burning while+afterwards having sex. I am mentally, emotionally hurt because of this. I feel like broken. What might be the cause of this?

[Heather]

Hi there, welcome to the boards.

The most likely culprit, especially if you are talking about vaginal intercourse, is that you are not using any, or not using enough, lubricant. Are you using plenty of lubricant with sex? If not, this is likely to at least be part of the problem, if not the whole problem.

How aroused (turned on) are you before and during the sex you're having? If you are not actually enjoying yourself, and/or if the sex you're having isn't something you really want and like for yourself, this is another likely issue.

Are you up to date with your sexual healthcare? Some common infections -- like yeast infections, chlamydia or gonorrhea -- can cause burning and pain with sex.

One more possibility is about condoms, if you are using them. A latex allergy or sensitivity can also cause the experience you are having. If everything else above is all accounted for, and you are using latex condoms, you might want to try using a non-latex condom next time to see if that feels any different to you.

[iamfabulous]

Yes i am using enough lubricant.
There’s no problem, i turn on so easily.
We haven’t use condom so yeah… feeling so bad about all of this

[Heather]

I'm sorry that you're feeling that way.

Since you're not using condoms, are you both testing? It doesn't sound like it, and an infection is certainly one possible reason for this, and one where it's really important you don't wait around. Do you know where to seek out sexual healthcare? Can you also make sure your partner is testing regularly if you two are going to have sex unprotected?

[iamfabulous]

I am experiencing this pain and sensation of burning from the beginning of my sex life. However i only had sex 3-4 for times it hurts even when we use condoms. There’s also no unusual thing or odor in my discharge. I should see a doc of course but because of the country i live in having sex before marriage is seen sinful so i am so stressed out to see a doc.

[Heather]

I understand being reluctant because of cultural barriers. I'm sorry that's something you have to live with.

The thing is, unusual odors or discharges often aren't present when people have infections. In fact, most STIs, particularly, don't present obvious symptoms for most people who have them. And wearing condoms at the time or not won't change pain if and when what you have is an infection. The point of condoms is to prevent getting them or passing them on in the first place.

I do think it would be wise for you to see a healthcare provider if you can, though. Most important, though, is that you stop having ANY kind of sex that causes you pain or that burning feeling. We can talk a bit more about why in a sec, but I first want to see if I can't help you figure out what this is most likely about, especially if you don't feel able to seek out healthcare.

Is this something that happens with all kind of sex, like with masturbation or oral sex? Or is it just with some kinds, like intercourse? Is it only with sex, or do you also have vaginal or vulval pain or discomfort when sitting, for example, or during periods?

[iamfabulous]

I first experienced this pain when I used my own finger to masturbate. Then i had my first sex with condom and i couldn’t continue to because it hurt so bad. I haven’t had sex for a long time then i had again and it was the same. Like i couldn’t stand. After i have sex i can’t sit down it is so painful with sensation of burning. No i don’t experience any pain with masturbation or oral. Only with intercourse. It’s vaginal pain i guess.

[Heather]

Okay. So it really does sound like one possibility is that you aren't as turned on when it comes to your vaginal response as you may feel in your head.

When you take plenty of time -- if you want a specific amount, let's say at least a half hour -- to get to intercourse or anything else with vaginal entry, and instead feel turned on and do other sexual things that can start to help your vagina meet up with your arousal, like making out, like oral sex for you, like a lover using hands or fingers or a toy on your vulva or even your vaginal opening a little but NOT anything inside, and only after all THAT have intercourse, does it still feel the same? Or does it feel better or not painful at all?

[iamfabulous]

We do have oral sex and use fingers on my clitoris before vaginal intercourse. I get so wet and turned on. Even though when it comes to vaginal intercourse it hurts. We don’t start with vaginal sex at first i don’t feel any pain around (not inside) my vagina when touched.

[Heather]

Sorry if I’m missing something obvious, but I’m not getting the answer to this question.

So, when you’re doing those other kinds of sexual things before any intercourse for about a half hour or so, and include things to start “warming” your vagina up, like just exploring the opening with a gentle touch, are you still having vaginal pain with intercourse?

[iamfabulous]

yes i do experience pain after “warming”

[Heather]

Thanks for that info.

So, this absolutely sounds like a medical issue to me, then. And it may or may not be about an infection, but since you seem to have experienced this before any contact with a partner, I'm guessing that probably is not the cause of the pain. It sounds instead like it might be something more like vulvodynia or vagininismus.

Given this, it might help you feel more able to seek out healthcare, because these are things you could be experiencing even without having sex. People with conditions like these often experience vaginal pain with things like tampon use, sitting, or even lying down. How do you feel about seeking out care for this with an OB/GYN in your area, this given?

[iamfabulous]

I’ll try to go and see a OB/GYN. Thanks a lot for the answers Heather. It means a lot.

[Heather]

You're welcome. I really hope you can find a solution for your pain soon. Please feel free to circle back if we can help more with this or anything else. <3